Feeling unheard

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Spent the day with my 4 yr old who doesn't listen to a word I say the first time I say it, repeating myself all day, over and over. DH comes home from work and wants to tell me bits from his day straight away, mainly gossip about other colleagues, so I'm all ears as he talks at me most evenings for an hour or so.
I'm pregnant and finding DC exhausting atm, as soon as I begin to speak, DH starts fidgeting, looking away, cuts me off mid-sentence to ask DC a question and I'm feeling like I don't matter. Like nothing I say has any relevance or importance.

Today, I listened to DH and began telling him about my own day. I the snapped as soon as DH cut me off mid-sentence as he spoke to DC to which DH responded "oh don't start..."
I replied "no, you don't start" and pointed my finger at him before storming away. We've addressed this so many times in the past. I guess today I was feeling more fragile as I've had a rough day with DC and needed to let off a bit of steam myself. His parents are the same, they love talking but just do not listen.
I'm starting to feel quite insignificant as a result... I even get quite anxious before speaking to DH as I know he's likely to seem agitated and bored as I speak. I find it draining to keep his attention. I often stop talking the minute he begins fidgeting or looking away (a bit like a teacher might!) And he pays attention again for a short time, but it's now really beginning to get me down. I just want to feel like my day matters too.

It sounds like he gets shirty if you pull him up on it - how would he react if you stopped being such a patient listener to him, start doing something else while he's talking so you're only half listening? Hopefully he'd say 'are you listening to me', giving you the opportunity to point out that this is what he does all the time to you.

Don’t sit intently listening to his shitty gossip from work, cut him off and start talking to your dc, tut, roll your eyes, see how the fuck he likes it. How absolutely rude!!! It would drive me insane, couples are meant to enjoy interacting, I don’t understand his mindset? If he doesn’t want to listen to you why is he with you? What a prick.

One thing I try hard to do is listening wholly when people are talking to me. I feel like my efforts are wasted on DH. I think maybe I need to start not giving him as much attention from thw moment he begins chattering. DH pointed out to me that I often cut him off to speak to DC, I agreed with him, this is what I do to get him to stop talking at me after 30 minutes of non-stop one sided chatter. He cut me off during my very first sentence this evening. Its not the same at all.
I'm dreading our conversations when I go on maternity leave, from my experience last time, I need to talk to another adult more than ever after being at home with DC all day and he will fake listen, but I know he won t be interested in the slightest... it's soul destroying.
I'll have to take up hobbies in the evening just to get some decent adult conversation I think!

My OH has a terrible"married ear" - he will pretend to listen but then ask me something I literally just told him or mention something I mentioned already "oh we've got no coffee" e.g. when I've told him already all about how there wasn't any coffee at the shop or whatever (trivial example but ykwim). Drives me INSANE, like you I really try to be an attentive listener so the only way I can take it is that he doesn't think I'm worth paying attention to and have nothing of interest to say. it's the same when he is "looking after" the baby for 30 mins but cant stop checking his emails/sorting his bag for the morning/some other stupid job that could wait until later. Why she isn't worthy to claim 100% of his attention for just half an hour a day... Gives me the rage.

Oh god this is so frustrating isn't it. I feel like this too sometimes, DP talks a lot about work and I always try to show an interest. As soon as I talk about my day I feel I have to rush it and then I end up babbling and stammering as I'm self conscious that he's losing interest.

I sent this link to him today. It's not entirely the same situation, but touches on the same issues - that as women we are naturally inclined (or more accurately we are socialised) to listen and empathise, whereas men tend to be less invested in what we say and then just try to offer solutions rather than let us just feel heard. I think Tony Robbins has some good positive advice on relationships.

Ugh. I feel you. DH does this constantly, I can tell him an entire story or some information, he’ll just look at me bemused because he wasn’t listening at all. Or as I start to talk he gets his phone out and starts reading the news.
I’ve stopped pointing it out and just stopped listening to him. Funnily enough He gets very frustrated by this (but I think he’s started to get the message)
His family also the same - talk over you constantly and never have any interest in what you have to say.

Sorry you haven't had any responses yet. I've kept your post open, because I do hear you, and I know how you feel. Can't post much now, but I'm listening.

BTW, what about starti g to train your 4yo not to interrupt (and train your H, too, while you're at it. He shouldn't let your child interrupt you, either!

Agree with training your child not to interrupt - it can also work as a passive aggressive dig at your DH every time you say “wait please I’m talking to daddy”.