How to tell the DC

[Ilovecrumpets]

Hi all

I was just looking for some advice. My husband told me at the beginning of December he wanted to separate ( turned out he had had an EA at least). We are intending to tell the D.C. this weekend and he will move out on the Sunday ( but see them regularly). D.C. are just 3 and nearly 6.

I’m just really wondering if anyone has any advice on the best way to tell them - what to say etc? Is it better to tell them Saturday morning and him move out Sunday so they have time to talk to us or is that confusing? Should we say it is a joint decision ( even though it isn’t)? I will do whatever it is that is best for them.

Also my other thing I was wondering back is whether it would be better to have told my eldest school first - I was intending to send a letter in on Monday ( his teacher isn’t back until then)? If it would be much better we could hold off telling them until next weekend.

I’m dreading it My heart is just breaking from them - they seem so innocent.

I would rethink him moving out basically immediately after you've told them.
You've already managed a month, do another week.
Their heads will be reeling with the idea of the change - why force the actual change on them at the same time?

When we told my 4yo (together) I told her that I had got another house and would be getting it ready to move in to. That explained why it wasn't immediate, so it wasn't confusing to her that we were still in the same house. She was actually excited to see it! So all 3 of us drove over to explore. I had already decorated her room, so she had a positive experience seeing it, and felt not animosity because her father came too.

I would give them a definite date if they are children who like certainty - but not expect them to cope with being told them on parent leaving the next day.

Get them involved in the new house.
Let them talk about fears or just details to both of you.
Let them see that you can still coparent.

I hope it goes OK. My daughter went into school next day full of excitement that she had two houses now! They may surprise you x

Thanks Elis - unfortunately we can’t afford the rent on another place so my DH is staying with a friend and will be seeing the kids at the family home ( I will move out when he has them every other weekend, he will come and do bath and bed twice a week here as well). But now you have mentioned it maybe it would still be worth taking them to see where he is - so they can at least picture it?

Your advice is very helpful though - my eldest in particular needs certainty but also doesn’t do well with transition ( for example is awful just before we go on holiday etc) so I didn’t know if it would be better to do it straight away. But if he stayed a week then at least they could talk to both of us that week.

Hi Ilovecrupets. Sorry to hear of your difficulties but well done on your sensible approach to dealing with it. Hope 2018 is good to you.

Thanks Mike - my husband is being difficult about the conversation. I’m hoping he understands the need to think about what we are saying

Your LOs are lucky to have such a good mum. Hugs.

Thank you