Feeling like a failure...

[IcecreamSundays]

I am single and have been for 3 years now. I’ve had boyfriends in the past but nothing that has lasted more than three years. I think, after much reflection, this has been because I’ve always been drawn into toxic relationships. My ex was cheating on me and I think that affected me, I became unable to trust my own judgement of people.

I have a good job, plenty of interests and a close group of friends. I work out, do yoga, walk, read, occasionally go out for drinks. But I’m 30 now, the last of my single friends is coupled off and people have different priorities - which I understand.

I now feel like I’m ready to meet someone and be in a loving relationship but the pool of men seems so much smaller. I desperately want to have my own family one day but I feel the pressure of running out of time and often feel quite hopeless about my situation.

I think I’m just writing for a hand hold, some encouragement. I don’t know how, at my age and with a dwindling social life to meet nice men anymore. And among my friends and colleagues I feel like the only childless, single person in the world.

I know I’m being a bit dramatic and I have a great deal to be thankful for. I fill my life with these things to try to find meaning, but ultimately, I think I’m missing the feeling of knowing that there’s someone who cares about me (other than my DM).

How can I put this?

You're 30 and you've been single for 3 years. Your longest relationship in your 20s lasted three years. That sounds pretty normal, actually.

I'm almost 44 and been single nearly 8 years after an 11-year relationship, the last 4 of which were sexless. I haven't been on a date in 7 years.

I have a friend who is almost 41 who has been single 11 years, has never lived with a guy (moved out of home at 29 at which point her bloke of 5 years dumped her), and aside from a fair few first dates, has only had three very short relationships (well just dating really), all of which lasted less than three months, one of whom was married (she didn't know), one was a player and one barely made an effort.

We both have lots of friends, we're intelligent, got varied interests but nothing doing.

So, your three-year drought and still at the relatively young age of 30 is nothing really.

Come back in another 5 and then another 3 and if you're still single and haven't even had a relationship lasting longer than 3 months, you're more than welcome to join our failure club.