Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Emotional Affair?

3 replies

WhizzingThrough · 05/01/2018 12:13

A quick background. I've been in a loveless, lonely marriage for years now. I don't blame it on my partner...it's mostly me. I've been feeling emotionally dead towards them for 4 years now. We're only together because of our DD and due to financial issues and practically separated but living under one roof. We both know this is only temporary and will part ways within a year or so.

A year ago this person came into my life. Didn't plan it, didn't look for it...it just happened. Suddenly, I can't stop thinking about them. I though in the beginning, maybe it was a passing infatuation. It's been nearly a year now and my 'longing' for them hasn't abated one bit. Please don't judge me, it's excruciating as it is.

Strange things have been happening...I dream of them, I feel them when they're around even without seeing them or knowing for sure they're in the vicinity. I even knew their name even before they told it to me. Don't laugh or ask me how, it just happened and I can't explain it. I'm already freaked out. I keep having these intense bursts of emotion like longing and sadness in my chest whenever I think of them. Sometimes, strangely, I feel like a recipient of their thoughts. Again, as ridiculous as it sounds, I can't explain it. Believe it or not, this is how I knew their name in the first place. When they told me their name, my jaw nearly hit the floor. Coincidence? I don't know... I never believed in soulmates or psychic connections, I just don't know what's so intensely magnetic about that person. Had several relationships and dated many people in the past, but as cliched as it sounds, there's a whole new level of awareness regarding this person. The word bizarre or, maybe, unprecedented comes to mind. Freaking out keeps coming up, too.

I didn't act, I didn't tell that person what I felt. I'm not sure I want to. And I don't know for sure what they feel. I've been torn between my morality and these torturous feelings. Torn between guilt and responsibility. I'm miserable, very angry and frustrated. I want to grab that person, shake them violently and scream at them so they'd leave me alone. But a huge part of me wants to be with them. I know I can't, at least now. Am I cheating if I can't help it? Do you know what it's like to lose control of your own emotions? To lose your mind?

I'm sorry if I sound like a helpless ranter, I just wanted to get it off my chest and see if anybody had a similar experience.

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 05/01/2018 16:31

Am I cheating if I can't help it?
You CAN help it though.
You are an adult and you know how to control things.
You would making a choice. A choice made by you.
That choice might be OK though.

Have you agreed a separation with your DP?
When was the last time you had sex with your DP?

WhizzingThrough · 05/01/2018 17:28

Implicitly, yes. No clear strategy is underway.
re. sex, I can't remember the last time. Could be months.

Perhaps a bit simplistic to assume humans have full command over their emotional faculties, especially the intense ones. The cynical part, though, I always prided myself on being particularly rational is handling emotions. My partner jokingly called me a 'Vulcan' on several occasions (really, a Star Trek reference?!). I feel I'm being punished for being too arrogant in this regard. Springs to mind when I judged a friend of mine for falling for somebody without thinking about it... I can see it now.. while my face is right in the mud. How ironic!!

OP posts:
NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 05/01/2018 17:56

I'm in a similar position except it is a long lost ex who made his intentions very clear. I turned him down as I am still (unhappily) married and he has a gf. I am trying to pull back from messaging as much as I can but I appreciate it is hard when your marriage is rubbish.

I'm adamant that nothing will happen though and he knows that so hasn't suggested anything in 2 months.

2018 is the year I am going to leave an u happy marriage. I'm not leaving for him. I'm leaving for me. And if he still has a gf when I am single the answer will still be no.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page