DH has a new female friend

[Lime19]

They met via work and have grown close. I asked to borrow his phone to look something up and he refused to let me which is unusual. They have a shared interest and have been meeting up with a group of others that share interest (including her husband)

Eventually he did let me look and I looked at his messages. They text multiple times daily including one message where they described each other as their "best friend"

I've obviously gotten very upset with him. He thinks I'm wrong and says "men and women can be friends"

How would you all feel about this situation?

It would upset me too.
Google emotional affair. People excuse what's happening as fine because there's no sex or flirting but it's not fine. If you're having a relationship that you don't involve or talk to your partner about. If you tell the person your feelings that you don't say to your partner. It's wrong because you're giving that person your love , time and they fill the emotional feelings part that a long term partner should do.
I expect her partner knows they do the hobby all together but not the extent of the texting and the strength of the relationship.
What would your H reaction be if you said to him you're going to ask her H what he thinks of their texting and friendship. I doubt he'll say - go ahead he knows we text multiple times a night.
Other question to ask. If her H is involved in the hobby why don't they have a group chat?

Thanks. Unfortunately he has form for this. Last time it was a work contact and they were going to go to London for a day out and lunch etc. Only there was no work. I pointed out that he was essentially taking her on a date (a lovely date that I would like to go on). I wasn't invited.

He says I get funny about texts from women etc so he hid it.

To describe as 'best friend' and multiple texts is heading into dodgy waters, plus being secretive. He knows he's crossed the boundary. Definitely an EA /crush.

Ask him how he would feel if it were the other way round, and you were saying the same things to another man.

How would he feel if you called another man you "best friend" and were meeting up with them for dates?

@Lime19

How long have you been married?

How old are they? I have never known anybody past the age of 12 to use the phrase 'best friend'.

He's crossed the line and what he is doing is unacceptable.

He's approaching 40. Trust me I found it extremely cringey when I read that they were "best friends"

Does her husband know she has a new best friend?

How would your DH feel if you got a new male 'best friend'?

So it’s his second emotional affair.

Buy him a copy of “Not Just Friends” by Shirley Glass and suggest that if he wants to make close new women “friends” he becomes single and moves out.

Oh dear the old 'why can't I have a friend' line. Doh because if she was just a friend you wouldn't be so secretive. Another trying to do it 'in plain sight' so to speak

In itself, some cringe worthy texts and hanging out with her husband present isn't the end of the world.

Given how quickly on MN lots of people decide any banter or friendship with someone new of thr opposite sex must be inappropriate or an affair, I am starting to understand why some people think 'but you'll only be annoyed or get moody'.

However ,he has form which is obviously concerning you, and understandably because he has previously had an emotional.affair.

I'd trust but monitor. Some cringey texts and then socialising with her husband present doesn't scream terrible to me. Buy it's worth keeping an eye on.

Sounds like infatuation, it'll burn out but I'd be reminding jimmy he's got responsibilities akreadyvwithbyou and you don't appreciate him dating other girls even if it's wrapped up as a just as friends outing .... he should be asking her to babysit so he can take you to London for the day ffs

I am also pregnant if that makes a difference. I am emotional I know. I don't believe that anything has happened for one minute. But does he prefer her company to his wife who wants to paint the nursery, and thinks he needs to moderate his hobby a bit (due to priorities and money)? Yes I would say he most certainly does.

Ask him if he would take a male friend on a day trip to London with a nice lunch and text him he was his ‘best friend’?

If not, why not?

Definitely inappropriate imo.

Perhaps you need a few male friends that you go out to lunch with.

I would keep a close eye on his phone. Does he hang out with the husband aswell?