Living alone after separation

[undertheweatherr]

Hi I don't post often more of a lurker. But looking for some advice.

I have recently separated from my husband and he is due to move out of the house in the next week. We have a young ds who will be staying with me. Whilst I would have liked to try and resolve things and go to marriage counselling, he is not willing to do anything. And is already talking about being divorced by the end of the year.

I now have limited time to move out of the house as well, which is causing me a lot of stress as I am worried I may end up losing my job if I can't figure things out. But mostly I am really terrified of living alone. I have no friends or family where we live as we moved for my husbands job.

How do you cope on your own like this? I'm trying my best to put on a brave face for my son but I am so sad and scared.

Couldn’t read and not post - although I do t have any direct advice I wanted to send you some good wishes.

Having been in similar but not the same situations I’ve found that as long as you take care of the most important things the little things take care of themselves.

Can you move back to where you do have friends and family?

As for potential /Internet/ friends you might want to shoot a PM to "Chubbymummy" who is writing about a similar situation under the thread heading "DH told me..." just now, this morning.

You can do this. I didn't have any children with my ex, so I can't speak to that. Moving out was difficult for me, not least because my ex made it quite dramatic.

That first night was strange for me. I hadn't lived alone in a long time and it was unnerving. I was right off a parking lot so there were lots of noises and my cat started growling (yes, GROWLING) and hid under the bed. And then I started hearing my neighbors in the apartment above getting rather amorous. It was not a nice first night.

But it got better. I slept right in the middle of the bed that first night, not leaving space for "his side." And every time I struggled with anything, I just thought of my stupid ex and proving I didn't need him.

I was living on the opposite side of the country from family and friends (ex had wanted to move) so I didn't know many people. I got myself on meetup.com and started going to various meetups. I even scheduled one for that same weekend I moved out!

This is more difficult with a young one, no doubt, but can you find similar groups for mums? Then you could get out and socialize and maybe find some support along the way. It was actually nice to meet people who got to know me as an individual and didn't know us as a couple.

I know some people do support groups but I did one and found it horribly depressing.

Moving is one of the most stressful bits, get that sorted and your life will eventually settle. Look for opportunities mixed in with all the challenges. Remind yourself to be brave. And please be kind to yourself.

Make yourself a list of small tasks to get through, otherwise everything seems insurmountable and you will procrastinate.

First priority - what can you afford / what are you entitled to? If private renting, then first work out your rental budget and then visit letting agents.

Next - once you have a let agreed, get quotes for a removal firm. Or man with a van. Or relatives to come and help.

Next - get dates, read meters, advise phone/gas/electric/tv/council tax/Dvla. Get postal redirect set up for 6 months with Royal Mail. You can do most of these online.

Then worry about things like furniture.

Being on your own - well, I remember feeling worried once my ex had left, particularly on days the kids were with him. However, my ex was an unsupportive arse and should there have been an intruder in the night, it's not as if he would have leapt to my defence anyway. Once I realised I was only missing a fantasy ex, the pros of living alone were more obvious. There is less mess to deal with, I don't have to wipe piss off the floor round the toilet. I don't have to clean up the kitchen before I can use it, I don't get money stolen from my bank account
Etc etc etc

Thank you for the replies, I appreciate it. I think at the moment I'm finding the whole sorting out a new home really overwhelming. I'm still in the middle of finding out what I will be entitled to and so worried I won't be able to afford it on my own. I will make a list to go through, that's a good idea.