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Original poster

Coping mechanisms to get through divorce

11 replies

thisishard2 · 04/01/2018 07:14

What were yours?

6 months in, estranged but living in the same house, very stressful Sad.

Currently sleeping on my dd's bottom bunk. I daydream about the kind of bedroom I will be able to have once divorced if it ever happens. It will look something like this Grin.

Coping mechanisms to get through divorce
OP posts:
wishiwasbetter · 04/01/2018 13:12

Gosh that’s horrible for u thisishard2. I have no great words of wisdom for u, as I’m literally at the start of this horrible journey myself. But I imagine that counselling and having a small circle of friends to lean on will be my immediate crutch. Lots of my friends are ‘couple’ friends so not quite sure who my support will be but hey ho! I’m actually more worried about how I’ll get the kids through it than myself -it’s going to be awful for them. Hoping u find ways of coping xx

Onlymeeeeee · 04/01/2018 13:19

4 months in the same house, sadly he moved out for just a couple of weeks at the start then moved back in to bully me when he realised that I was serious about it being over. He's in the spare room sleeping on the floor like some kind of squatter, being as actively unhelpful as possible

Ginny70 · 04/01/2018 15:04

I tried to be out as much as possible, if he was there. I tried to avoid him as much as possible when we couldn't avoid being in the same house together.

I would get a wide circle of friends and not treat one as a sole confidant but spread it around a bit so that it doesn't become overwhelming for just one or two people. And post on this website a lot coz there's loads and loads of people who will be sympathetic/ have been through similar situations (like me).

Keeping things as normal as possible for the DC and shielding them as much as possible from the pain of it all. I guess they must be aware of your situation if you are sharing your DD's bunk (I've done that). How are they taking it?

For yours and the kids sake you need to get out of this painful stressful situation I'm great at stating the bleeding obvious Grin Do you think the divorce won't happen cos he's being difficult? You need to be proactive, getting as much advice (CAB etc) as possible and getting all the necessary financial/ legal documents in order, but a solicitor (some offer 1/2 hour free advice) and CAB will be able to tell you what you need.

It can be a horribly tense time, but avoiding each other is a start to getting you through. And keep planning that bedroom! Smile

Original poster
thisishard2 · 04/01/2018 21:17

Thank you and sorry that we are all going or have been through the same thing Sad.

We are in the middle of a court process re finances but I am hoping that we can settle before the second hearing. The kids do know yes. It feels like such a big failing, but I have buried the guilt and sadness for the moment, in favour of trying to survive. Am also scared of what things will be like in the future.

OP posts:
Original poster
thisishard2 · 04/01/2018 21:20

(And I feel so bereft that H does not love me, or that it does not work between us. It feels like it should work, but it just doesn't. Well it would work if I accepted being stonewalled for weeks, shouted at, never touched and kept out of massive financial decisions, but I can't any more.)

OP posts:
Original poster
thisishard2 · 04/01/2018 21:21

(And I think he has already found someone else Shock).

OP posts:
WhentoD · 04/01/2018 22:59

I could have written this and it's makes me so cross with myselfSad

I feel for you as i know how it feels.

"And I feel so bereft that H does not love me, or that it does not work between us. It feels like it should work, but it just doesn't. Well it would work if I accepted being stonewalled for weeks, shouted at, never touched and kept out of massive financial decisions, but I can't any more."

It's like, on paper, it should work; but when there's anything remotely difficult the gaslighting and stonewalling techniques come out. And my money went in the pot and straight away is was our money - except he made all the decisions.

Borris · 04/01/2018 23:04

Can I join too. Right at the start of it but so frightened. I know it's right for dc but just now I feel like I'm shattering their life. Plus usually they're all about me but last few days have been thick as thieves with husband. He's EA to me. I can't accept it anymore

WhentoD · 04/01/2018 23:31

And coping mechanisms are learning new work place skills (to improve prospects) and 'yoga with adriene' on youtube!

AL75 · 12/04/2019 17:19

A year on, how is all your situations now? I hope you all are nearing divorce. Iam going to start proceedings end of may.

user1486131602 · 13/04/2019 21:21

I'm just at the start too:
I must be a weirdo! Everything he says or does just fuels my determination! Mine won't leave either.
If he has found someone else, great, means he will be moving out my life and spreading shit somewhere else!
I have no strategy to share and have been sleeping on the sofa for 9 months, but suddenly a light bulb went off, and I told him he could sleep in the bed every other night like it or lump it and after signing the divorce petition, I didn't have to put up with his behaviour, he went downstairs and slept on the sofa!
It's your house too, don't forget that, your loyalty for him, your marriage and kids is getting in the way of a descision that seems to have been made. Stand up....and sod him!

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