I've told him it's over so he's cleaned out the bank accounts!

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I've told my emotionally abbusive that it's over tonight so he's cleaned out the bank accounts. We have 2 dd's and I have £0 to look after them. I want out I can't stand the gas lighting any more but this is rediculous. I have no income and now no way to look after my children. I'm distraught.

Call Womens Aid for help.

Of course, you're distraught, what kind of shit does that to his kids.

Do you have any family who can help you out at all?

the next few weeks may be tough but this confirms you have made the right decision

Is there anyone you can tell, surely this is illegal? I don’t have a joint bank account so don’t have any facts on it. Shame him to his family if you have to, if they have any sense they will demand he gives it back so you can feed your kids. What a scumbag, he knows it’s over so this is his final ploy to control you further.

Has he moved out?

Do you have family suport? You will be able to claim CSA so try to sleep tonight and wake tomorrow and you may feel able to start making calls.

Go to see a solicitor..it will be ok in the end.Trust you will get through this difficult time.

Apparently it is perfectly legal. He has been controlling me with money for a number of months now. He is currently watching pay per view movies on my account racking up a bill for me on a tv apparently I can't watch as his parents bought it for us. My parents would not let me or the children go without but it makes me sick that he thinks he's punishing me when it's his dds that will suffer.

What a total tosser!!! I am so sorry

I would speak to your family and also woman's aid and see what help you can get, how old are your dd's?

I can't believe he is allowed to do this, what a horrible horrible person

Also agreed with @Rainbowqueeen the fact he has done this shows you you have made the right decision

What a bastard he is.Can you cancel your pay per view account OP?

Go to the bank explain things and ask about possible options.

Financial abuse is not legal. Did he say it is?

Call the tv channel provider (sky?) and ask them to turn off the access to pay to view tv. In fact get them to stop the tv altogether. Even if you are locked in and have to keep paying each month.

Cancel his phone, if it’s in your name.

Go on line now and open a new bank account, set up child benefit to go into it. Plus your wages. Close the joint account or at least call the bank say you are splitting and ask for it to be stopped from being used.

Keep a record of all abuse and report. Keep copy of bank accounts proving the removal of money to demonstrate abuse and to show on divorce (if married). You can get help with the cost of divorce if on a low income - google it.

Do you work? Have your wages been removed? Can you transfer new wages prior to payday to the new account.

He is using money to get you worried and get you t o change your mind and behave correctly in the future. He is not your friend tell him nothing, it will be used against you.

Definitely talk to the bank, Women's Aid, a lawyer etc. You may be able to get this man removed from the house and prevented from returning, you will certainly be able to get child benefit and possibly tax credits and he will have to pay maintenance for the children. if he becomes aggressive, call the police.

Also report to health visitor and school and gp to access a food bank. Tell them exactly what he is doing. The fact he is starving his own children won’t help when his tactics change and he threatens ‘full custody of the children’.

‘Fantastic I am looking forward to meals out with friends/clubbing/dating’ stopped my ex threatening ‘full custody’. Instead his tactic changed to being unreliable and cancelling at last minute to stop me having fun. he never wanted our child 100% of the time he just said it in the hope I would get back together with him, when it became convenient he changed his tactic.

This is all about control and you may struggle to see the wood from the trees whilst in the thick of it. You may be worried about making things worse but ask yourself what is worse then him stopping his kids eating. He isnt ever going to be supportive or a good dad or pay their uni fees/driving lessons. So a criminal record or his parents knowing he is a shit bag won’t make things worse. A cms claim won’t make it worse. A solicitor or starting a divorce won’t make it worse. Claiming child benefit if he is earning over 50k won’t make it worse.

This is assuming he has never been physically abusive, any hint and call the police as leaving him is the most dangerous time.

What is your housing situation, rented/mortgage joint or sole name? Bills are in whose name?

Fucking bastard, sorry for you OP. Not wanting to hijack post but this reminds me of an incident when my baby was 3 weeks old, I realised one evening I was low on formula and asked ex, baby’s father, to go to shop as we didn’t have enough for night feeds, his reply ‘you should have thought of that earlier’, he went to sleep, I ended up taking a cab back to hospital where I had given birth to beg them for some formula, taxi was only £3 and not enough to buy formula, he wouldn let me have any money and that’s all I had, why are some men such hideous individuals? Hope you get the support you need OP

I'm self employed, work from home selling clothes for the past three years. I really only make pocket money, so he has supported me during this time. But he knows I have no money, no savings and little income. All my direct debits will bounce. I had to ask him for petrol money this morning and money for my eldests school lunches. :-(

Call WA right now - 0808 2000 247 - they are very busy at this time of year so keep trying.
Then get onto CAB and get some advice from them on benefits, housing, tax credit, etc....
Call SKY or whoever your package is with.
Tell them the situation and tell them you want this all switched off immediately.
What is the housing situation?
Do you rent? Is it mortgaged?
Look at what direct debits you have and are due out in the next week and contact the companies.
Tell them exactly what you have told us.
Or just cancel all direct debits right now if you have internet banking.
Gather some belongings. Get all important paperwork.
Passports, marriage cert, birth certs, account info, wage slips of his, pension info, asset info.
Then get yourself to your parents.

Cancel everything. Whatever direct debits you normally have will then have to send you a bill which will give you breathing space. You’ve had good advice above so follow it - open a new account, move your income to it, close the other one. Stop doing anything for him, just gray rock from now on.

Cancel the pay per view account. Now!

Whose name is on the tenancy/mortgage?

This happened to me. I phoned each direct debit to tell them that I had told my exh I was leaving and he emptied the account and stopped my access to any money. As I was honest with them they offered to let me pay a different way and waive all charges. I mentioned "abusive relationship" and it seemed like they have a policy to follow.

Then I went into the bank and asked for a print out of the account spending as far back as they could go, so I could show what was normal etc. and had a record of when he emptied the account.

Go to a completely new bank and open an account (you can do it with a pound) and then phone child benefit and have it sent there.

The minute you can, report him to CMS and start the claim. They will go back 3 months to when you separate.

As hells said, if you have family you can go to, go now, and this becomes the date you separate.

You can have some legal advice for free, and then if you need to run up a solicitor bill they will let you pay by instalments afterwards.

Don't worry - you have done THE right thing, but the next year will be hard. But DON'T GO BACK!

Are you married? If so you may be able to get back your half of the money, if a significant amount.
By the same token, if he runs up debts in his name, you may be liable for half or even all, so get any joint accounts frozen now and see a lawyer to get it on record the date of separation, as this can limit your liability.
If you're not married and the account is in your sole name that he's emptied then this is theft.

Good clear advice from @Teabay

thank you for the advice. I am out of the house at the moment so feeling a bit more clear headed. We are not married and the mortgage is in both our names. I don't know what to do about leaving the property. I have told him I am staying put until he either buys me out or puts the house on the market. I am also keen to take everything that is mine from the house. Not sure if this is the right stance or not!?!

I hope someone will come and advise you about your right to stay on the house with your DD.

I think it's called an occupancy order?

But yes, start protecting your valuable goods. Is there anyone you can store them safely with?

Women's Aid would also know if you can make a police report about his financial abuse and the evidence that you have that he has taken all of the jointly owned money. This is intentional theft by definition, there is absolutely an intent to deprive you of it.

Change the password on your pay per view now! Go into the bank and tell them what’s happened. You want to make sure he doesn’t take out overdrafts on the accounts. Change passwords on everything.

Ahhh... in that case - stay in the house.
Just live separately for now.
No doing his washing, cooking, cleaning, ironing etc...
He's on his own from now on.
And tell him you are reporting the theft of YOUR money to the police.
Call 101 and get some advice from them on it.
Ask for the DV unit when you call.