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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should I be worried ?

8 replies

Tinkerbellx · 03/01/2018 21:19

I've been with my partner for 10 months .
I've taken things very steadily ( was single for 3 years and dated a little after a 27 year relationship ) so understandably am treading cautiously .
He asked me out several times and I declined . I was 45 with 4 dc and he 41 with no dc and never married .
I didn't meet him for obvious reasons .
He persevered and I agreed to meet for a drink and to be honest we hit it off immediately .
We haven't gone one day since without talking or seeing each other .
He lives about an hour away but often drives here so I can be near my two dependants .
I could nt wish for a better boyfriend .
He's stayed here occasionally and me at his and we've been away together several times . Still only spent short times with the dc but it's getting more and he's totally supportive of it being led by them .

He's met my family , my friends and all my children who really like him .
We even drove to London to meet my daughter and her fiancé .

He's coming to the other side of the world with me in November ( another 10 months away ) to do some voluntary work because I don't want to return alone this tine ..... and when I did go this year having lost my phone , money , credits cards ect and been travelling for days on end and at the end of my tether .... he collected me from the airport , tucked me up into bed , brought me a replacement phone, a wad of spare cash and a huge bunch of flowers . No one has ever been that kind to me . He's seems to be in this for the long haul .

My worry is ....I've never been asked to meet any of his family ?
I've never met one single friend either . This I can understand because where he lives he moved to with he previous girlfriend . All their friends were her friends so now they aren't a couple he only really has work colleagues .
He has mentioned he'd be happy moving to my village but it does worry me a little that he has no friends of his own . He does go to the gym 4 nights a week which is good because hes getting out .
He lives a 4 hr drive away from his parents and sees them about every 6-8 weeks and seems to have a good relationship with them . He calls me when he's there and sends me photos .
Every time I worry that something might put him off he doesn't bat an eyelid and stays consistent ( obv I'm very aware that it must be quite a change for him to take on a family not just me ) .
I can communicate with him about anything and feel confident he'll give me an honest answer . So I could just ask him but I don't want to .
I am also aware that he was only 6 months out of a relationship when we met where he was hurt very badly . He was depressed and vulnerable but we both recognised that so have taken things slowly and he is in a much better place now .

He remains consistent and tells me everyday how much he loves me and he's not just a words chap, he demonstrates it regularly .

If I told him that I was at all upset he hadn't introduced me to his family I'm sure he'd arrange it . That's not the point though . I've got it into my head that this has to come from him not me .
Because I love this man so much I can't wait to show him off to my family and wonder if he really feels the same now ? Maybe not everyone feels the same ?
I've kind of given it 12 months and if I've never been asked to meet anyone in his family by then I feel that's a red flag ?

Am I being paranoid about a man who has shown me honestly , loyalty and nothing but love ?

OP posts:
Itsalottery · 03/01/2018 21:30

I really think you should just ask him. Maybe he doesn't think you want to meet them and have enough on your plate. Unless you ask you won't know. Don't make a big deal of it, just suggest meeting for lunch or something. You'll be able to tell from his reaction if there is any red flag to spot.

dorislessingscat · 03/01/2018 21:34

I'm always suspicious of anyone, especially men, who have no close friends.

I'd also hate to be the only significant relationship in someone's life - if I wanted to end the relationship I'd feel like I was taking everything away from them.

Thingsdogetbetter · 04/01/2018 12:23

Have you been to visit him at home? Surely you'd bump into people there when you're out. If you've never visited him, i think that's a huge red flag that he's not as single as he says. He comes to yours, you been away together. Why haven't you been to his home? In nearly a year?

Trills · 04/01/2018 12:25

Surely you'd bump into people there when you're out.

Only if he lives in a small town.

Tinkerbellx · 04/01/2018 12:28

I've been to stay at his house many times , and yes he's bumped into people when we've been in his local Morrison's and he introduces me as his better half / partner .
It's just his family . They do live a 4-6 he drive away depending on traffiic but I'm really hoping he wants me to meet them sometime soon .

OP posts:
Trills · 04/01/2018 12:29

If you are worried that he doesn't have many people in his life, that seems like a valid worry. But you know him, and you know whether you think that is a problem or not.

If you are worried that he is hiding something from you - I don't think there's any reason to suspect that, from what you've written.

Mxyzptlk · 04/01/2018 12:32

Maybe he doesn't want to ask you to take a 4 hour journey, each way, to visit his parents? Does he stay overnight with them? He may think you couldn't do that. Or they may not have room for you to stay.
I'd just say you'd like to meet his parents, then see what he says.

Karigan1 · 04/01/2018 12:36

My partner has very very few friends and it was over a year before I met them for no other reason than that he only saw them twice in that time and both times I had other commitments. I already knew his family though as he’s one who escaped the friend zone.

I wouldn’t worry too much but keep an eye on it.

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