Surviving an affsir

[1espressomartini]

My marriage has been a mess for a few years, we were functioning on the surface and basically turned into flat mates but intimacy and Shared interests disappeared. In the last few years we’ve dealt with parental deaths, breast cancer treatment. I put on 6 stone (!) and lost interest in myself. My DH lost interest in me physically and vice versa I suppose - I had low self esteem etc. So unsurprisingly last Jan he met someone when out for a drink with colleagues, they had - in his words - convenient sex - about twice a month until August - when I saw a text ping up on his phone saying hey how are you xx. So he broke down and told all, said it was attention, flattery and intimacy that he was missing from our relationship. He didn’t love her and knows he’s been the biggest cliche and fool. Said relieved I found out but he wished he had the courage to confess before and try and work on our relationship. He hates all the heartache he’s caused He wants to fix our relationship - I had already starting taking an interest in myself, before all this - lost a lot of weight and feel fab - getting lots of compliments etc - shallow I know. I’m so sad that we got to that stage as we both said our foundations were strong - we just lost sight of each other - also we’ve both said that maybe in a weird way this has been the catalyst for us rediscovering each other - we’re having sex again, more intamacy, talking - all good BUT I’m just so sad and disappointed in him with the lies, sex etc. The images of him with someone else hurts so much. Though I do understand as to why. Has anyone moved on with or without their husband if you’ve been in a similar situation.

Hi!
Well done you for loosing weight! It does not sound shallow in the slightest. You are taking care of yourself and your health now that you feel well enough again and you should absolutely feel Happy about it. I have left a relationship with loads of infidelity but it did not sound anything like this. It really is true that once men are in bed with someone they don’t care who they are having sex with. I think it’s difficult for us women to understand because we need to feel a connection with the person and concentrate on the person so much during sex but to some men it is just a physical act which gives them the attention they are craving and it’s that simple. He sounds like he really is sorry and this could be worked on, however you have done nothing wrong! You need time to get over this and he needs to understand that and not expect too much. You might not have been around for him as much lately but you needed to concentrate on yourself and he made a mistake regardless. If I were you I would take your time and not beat yourself up for still feeling resentment/disappointment or hurt. I think it will work if you want it to and you have just both been through a lot. However if it doesn’t you have gave it your best shot by the sounds of things, hope this helps, best of luck!