Abusive relationship ending. Need help.

[Shesipsacocacola]

I have posted several times over the past few years. Tried over and over again to get my ducks in a row but he has financially sabotaged me over and over again.
I have told him I don't want to be in a relationship with him and he has to leave. I wanted to wait it out for a couple of months but his behaviour over Xmas was abysmal, I can't take any more.
He wouldn't wake to watch dcs open presents. He refused to eat Xmas dinner. Reasons being that I didn't buy a him a gift because he blew 200 quid he was supposed to give me for food shopping in the bookies leaving me very stuck for cash. It was also our daughters birthday leaving me unable to afford much for her.
I had a social event a few days after Xmas which had been planned since August. He claims that he only heard about it xmas day and used it as an excuse to fight with me. Then to feck off and drink nonstop for 48 hours. Tbh it was a relief as he was out of the house.
We have been sleeping in separate rooms for a few years and no sex for two years. He repulses me.
Current status is he is threatening suicide if he leaves. He attempted suicide by overdosing 2 years ago. His resulting stay in a psychiatric unit was an eye-opener. He was told he did not suffer from depression but a probable personality disorder. His stresses were of his own making ie owing out hundreds to dealers for weed. He had been abusive to female staff in particular. The social worker was more concerned about me than him.
Anyway I need to stay strong but I am so scared he will do something and everyone will blame me. Even though logically I know it's not my fault that and it's just part of the abuse

well done for ending it. I don't really have any advice but you are so brave and we're all here for you

Why would "everyone" blame you for leaving this man?. You are also not responsible for his choices nor his actions. You are only responsible for your own choices here. Your social worker has every right to remain concerned about you.

Womens Aid can and will help you here also.

Is this what you want to teach your children about relationships; currently you are showing them that by being there at all with him this is still acceptable to you on some level. You want a man like this for your DD at all in her life?.

Sorry @AtillaTheMeerkat can I just point out that I don't have a social worker or indeed any social services involvement. The social worker was the duty medical SW who makes a routine exercise phonecall to the family of anyone admitted to the psych unit. Apologies that wasn't clear. I begged same social worker not to make me take him back home but he said he didn't deal with that side of things.

I'm afraid of his criminal and dysfunctional, spiteful, vindictive family. They will go out of their way to attack me however they can when they realise what's going on.
I am already resolved to do this. Doesn't mean I can't be afraid.

If they come after you or otherwise threaten you let the authorities deal with them. Do not use them as a reason to at all stay with this individual. Womens Aid could again help you here on 0808 2000 247. You should not have to live in fear or him or his family of origin. The rotten apple that is he did not fall far from the family tree.

Woman's Aid, going to a refuge is the best way to protect you and the DC

Ring Women's Aid. You cannot do this by yourself or you would have escaped already.

Oh, he won't top himself. But if he does that means one less abusive fucker in the world and he is out of your life. Win/win.

I'm not sure Women's Aid is an option. I called them before and they said that as I wasn't being physically abused there was nothing they could do.
Maybe I was just unlucky.

Financial abuse is now recognised in law. He does threaten you and you are frightened of his family.

Please contact them again.

I don't know where he is right now. He had been out all day. He came back a couple of hours ago and the front door was locked. I was in the back of the house cooking and he climbed in the front window, stormed into the kitchen saying I had locked him out. The front window isn't secure so I have no way of stopping him just bursting in

He is such a manipulative man. None of my neighbours talk to me because he has bad mouthed me to them all. He has been a stay at home parent whilst I work up to 80 hours a week. He does nothing but the bare minimum tidying and all his friends think he's fantastic with his cheeky chappy Dad of the year act.

I assume you aren't married? Who owns the house? If you are tenants, what kind, and in whose name?

Council tenancy. Both names. Not married.

Right, then you apply to the court for a transfer of tenancy. Download form D50B from the Ministry of Justice website. Fill it in, follow instructions to issue, let the court make an order.

Once the tenancy is transferred, he no longer has the right to come in.

Womens Aid can guide you.

They can help you apply to get his name taken off the tenancy. They can inform you about non molestation orders etc

He is not the King of The World. Professionals will see through him. He has trained you to think you are powerless but you are not

Please do this and stick with it. Try women's aid or other domestic abuse support.

Believe it or not I haven't been afraid of him in a long time. I have over the last couple of years built a strong career, lost a lot of weight, made a lot friends and developed a life. He has dealt with it by becoming completely introverted, only leaving the house to smoke weed in the evenings at his friends houses. He accuses me of affairs which absolutely wasn't the case.
He is getting nothing from this relationship either, and why the fuck won't he just go?

Because you won't make the final push. What is stopping you ?

Get a new tenancy if you have to.

There is a way. If you want it enough.

Of course I want it.
I should say for clarity that I am not in the UK, so above excellent advice regarding form does not apply.
I do not have any help at all and have 5 children. It makes thing fairly difficult. There would not be another tenancy as housing extremely scarce. I have applied for every private rental advertised in the country the last year but the competition is too fierce.
I really need to hang on to this one.

Women's Aid can help you if you're in an emotionally abusive relationship.

Get that window fixed pronto so you can be safe inside your own home.

Get all your ducks in a row before you tell him you're leaving him. You don't want to be surprised by anything.

If he's threatening to kill himself if you leave, you phone the emergency services and tell them he's threatening suicide and let them deal with him. Do it every time he makes the threat.

You can do this.

Yes, you should have said you are not in the UK

So go and see a lawyer wherever it is you do live.