How do you deal with other people’s tantrums & other reacting?

[Tearsoffrustration]

I’ve just come off the phone with my mother & she’s told me my Dad has lost his temper about something & I can feel the anxiety in my stomach - I seam to feel like this a lot.

I ignore them. Same rules as I use for toddlers.

I ignore them too but I was raised in a very 'normal' home where I had a very stable mum and dad who loved and nurtured me and would never do anything to make me feel bad or manipulate me.

You, however, have probably been raised to tread on eggshells.
Watch what you say and do in case you ignite something in one of your parents where they will react in a way that most grown ups would not do, or with anger.

Have you had counselling at all?
Please look into this.
Either privately or via your GP.

My mother had an ulcer and I grew up feeling like it was the worst illness in the world, however she was the only person who could upset me enough to affect my stomach. So I taught myself to stop caring as soon as something affected me that badly.

You don't.

You leave them to it.

It's SO much healthier for you and eventually - one can hope - they cop on and grow up and out of it

It’s not just him though - it’s anyone who’s annoyed - when mum 6 year old has a meltdown it’s the same

IT will take time to recover from the damaging dynamic you’ve been raised in

Now you know what’s going on, disengagement from your parents, and focusing on how you relate to your dc and close family from now on.

None of us walk around not impacting others, hopefully it's not all negative. Take time out from them and try to make the next interaction positive or bland.

Same rules for 6 year olds. A tantrum gets you nothing, at best. The opposite of what you want at worst. It never gets attention. It gets ignored like you aren't even in the room.

If your 6 year old is still having big melt-downs then it must be a good tactic for him/her. Maybe you give lots loving attention to cajole them out of the meltdown, give in to the demands, do what they want in advance to avoid the meltdown, give them stuff to cajole out?