Eating in the bedroom

[Learner62]

Hi, my partner and I are falling out regularly with regards to her 18 year old son and eating his dinner in his bedroom.
He has been diagnosed with autistic issues (Social skills being 1 of them) and spends virtually all his time in his room playing games on his PC / Xbox. He doesn't work!
I said he should eat at the table (I never ate in my bedroom and neither did my children) to help him develop his social skills and to get him out of his bedroom occasionally but his mother seems to think its normal for children to eat in there bedroom.

Am I so out of touch? What do other people think?

I assume he has been diagnosed?

If so the assessments should detail where his particular deficits are and this info can be really useful in terms of management.

Is he seeing any NHS services?

I think it's a good thing not to feel too comfortable all the time :D

So your partner has basically been in survival mode for the last 18 years, having to make the main decisions herself and get by as best she could. If you question her choices, you're questioning those whole last 18 years. I bet she could actually do with someone congratulating her on what she's achieved and acknowledging that it hasn't been easy.

How about if you change your approach from "This is wrong, you should be doing that" to "I want to support you and your son as best I can. Let's find out how we can help him become more independent together. How can I help you?"

(Then sneak in some of your own ideas unnoticed!)

Apart from snacks eating in your room, alone is not a good thing.

Eating is inherently social, every society in the world values communal eating.

I work with (tangentially) students on the autistic spectrum. We put great emphasis on routine and (controlled & secure) social interaction.

I would think eating meals together, regularly would be a very positive routine.

I think the advice from folk who have no experience of autism in the family is too black and white.
Of course eating meals alone all the time is not a good thing.
Of course not working is not a good thing.
I think the advice from Offred is spot on.
In order to achieve these goals it would have to be done in tiny steps as this is now their routine and security.
Seek advice from professionals rather than force normal or too high expectations which will only be met with meltdowns and resistance.
Why not start with sometimes eating with him in his room?