Hi. Long time lurker first time poster.
I'm posting here as don't feel I have anyone in real life I can talk to.
So basically was friends with my now ex for about 7 years before we got together. Was together for 4 years (with a 5 month break up in between) have a 1 year old together and I have a 12 year old and 6 year old and he has a 16 year old hr has recenty got back in touch with (long story). Lived together for about year and a half.
So anyway, last year around July he starts a new job which meant our evenings together were now gone. Evenings when the kids had gone to bed would be our quality time. When these were gone we slowly went down hill until we were arguing over petty things nearly everyday. Had a family holiday, we've never been closer. Think things are picking up... het back to reality with work etc and petty arguments sneak back in.
Fast forward to Christmas, we all had an amazing christmas. He announces he's changed his work hours which would suit us so much better. Fantastic our evenings together will be back. We talk about the things we have to work on (finally) and agree we both love eachother and want this to work. Fantastic.
Then.... 2 days after this discussion he goes to see his son. Things are fine, I drop him off, we are laughing and everything seems fine. He usually arrives home about 6pm.. 6pm comes and goes. 8pm arrives and I text him to find out when he things he will be home. No response. 9.30pm I'm concerned so call him to be answered by him drunk. I admit I got annoyed because he hadnt communicated with me he was going out and we were supposed to spend the evening together and I had been waiting. He says "it's over." And I hang up the phone. He texts me shortly after "your giving up on us just like that?" I respond "u broke up with me." Then nothing until he arrives home steaming drunk at around midnight screaming and shouting that I'm a fucking psycho and whatever else. I send him away as the kids are in bed asleep. Next day he is adamant that I ended things (I didnt) and we are done.
Yesterday he texts me "I'm still in love with you" so I respond asking if we can please meet up and talk about fixing this. Thinking counselling will help and these new work hours will help massively. His response? "Not a good idea sorry." So why the hell text me he's in love with me still?
I feel so lost and can't get him out my head (that's driving me insane) I wake up so depressed and have broken sleep. I'm mostly ok during the day but still can't get him out my head. I want us to work this out, we were great before he got this new job. But I respect he doesn't want to... or at least I'm doing my absolute best.
I can count on one hand the amount of friends I have. I'm scared for the future as i have 3 kids and struggle to get babysitters. I get very anxious around new people so don't know how I will ever meet someone else i the future when I'm ready to move on.
I work part time and have never been more desperate to go to work. Back in tomorrow and I can't wait.
Sorry this ended up a lot longer than I expected it to. Just needed to get this all out and feel better for it