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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I'm 25 and I think my life is over

16 replies

franjelico · 03/01/2018 01:52

A little over a year ago, a friend of a friend handed me a drink they claimed they bought me from the bar, in reality they swiped it from someone in the toilets (yes they are no longer acquaintances!) The drink was chock full of amphetamines. Since then I have suffered, really suffered. I developed daily panic attacks, a generalised anxiety disorder and depersonalisation. I have irrational phobias about drugs being put in my food and drink and a larger phobia of inhaling other people's marijuana smoke (I say larger because of the crippling panic reaction I have to smelling it if I go into the city centre and how I often avoid going out at all in case I do). I've tried CBT and absolutely cannot afford private therapy. I haven't touched alcohol or any drugs (including prescription and caffeine) since this happened due to fear. My life is so small this was my day today and every day in December: I try to eat and drink, watch some television, panic attack, watch some television, try to eat and drink, panic attack, anxiety, sleep, repeat. I can't socialize because I worry about accidentally getting high - what if someone is smoking marijuana and I walk past them in the street? What if I sit on the bus and someone who carried drugs also sat on the seat? It goes on, and on. I just think my brain broken and I don't think I can be fixed.

OP posts:
DoubleRamsey · 03/01/2018 01:57

Have you seen your GP?

Also a book called 'when panic attacks' by Dr David Burns is good.

Your life isn't over Flowers I'm sorry this happened to you

Nancydru · 03/01/2018 01:57

It sounds like this runs a lot deeper than the drink incident. Maybe that just triggered it?

CeLaVieCookie · 03/01/2018 02:02

Hey franjelico, let me first say that at 25 your life is far from over, but sounds like you’re going through a really awful time of it!
It’s really great that you’ve tried CBT but remember it often takes a lot of trying different routes to getting well before finding the right fit for you.
Maybe go speak to your gp and ask for a referral to some other counseling.
It’s ok if all you do it eat and sleep some days. Just be kind to yourself and don’t lose hope that you will feel better (soon!) 💐

RestingButchFace · 03/01/2018 02:06

It sounds a little like PTSD. Please go back to your GPS. I know you say you can't afford private therapy but just by chance are either of your paren't sure exactly military? If so then the British Legionationals are amazing at help even if not related to your parents service

mynameisspam · 03/01/2018 02:07

You've done another post today about an abortion, You've had a tough time. But only time can be a healer for both the spiking and the abortion. Get medical help for both- if you feel that bad you can self refer on to mental health services for counselling. It may be s long process but it's a step in the right direction.

RestingButchFace · 03/01/2018 02:07

British Legion, not whatever jumble of letters my phone put there.

franjelico · 03/01/2018 02:12

I wanted to do two separate posts as they coexist but they don't necessarily interact with eachother mynameisspam but I will try again with the GP

OP posts:
franjelico · 03/01/2018 02:13

When I have been to the GP and described all of this, I'm only offered benzos and antidepressants and I'm not willing to take medication

OP posts:
franjelico · 03/01/2018 02:14

Unfortunately not @RestingButchFace

OP posts:
Lollipop30 · 03/01/2018 02:15

I think you need to talk to someone.
My drink got spiked when I was about 21, I didn’t drink a thing for 5yrs. I still don’t if we’re out but do at home from a sealed bottle. It was traumatic but your life is far from over your just going through a rough patch, when you get out the other side you’ll be a million times stronger than ever xx

franjelico · 03/01/2018 02:18

Thanks @Lollipop30 sorry that happened to you, looking back I wish I'd gone to the police for assault. It sounds insensitive (and it's not my intention to diminish other people's trauma) but sometimes I think I'd rather have had someone chop off a limb than all of this

OP posts:
bowtieandheels · 03/01/2018 20:19

I've suffered all of what you described after (voluntarily) smoking weed aged 17.
I can totally relate to how scary it is and my world became very small like yours, I even struggled to eat a piece of birthday cake at a kids party in case it was spiked.
I found distracting my brain when it started to spin out very helpful, I took up sewing and knitting which both really helped and have done various therapies (I'm also too scared to take any medication and didn't drink alcohol for 15 years).
See if there's a counselling college nearby you, they often need people for their graduates to practice on, these are often proper grown ups with many years of experience but they need to do a certain amount of hours with a client to qualify and they only charge a token amount like £5. I did 6 months and it really helped me so much.
Also please talk to your family and friends about how you're feeling, don't suffer in silence like i did. I'm much much better now and have a great life so please don't lose hope.

franjelico · 03/01/2018 20:54

Bowtieandheels Thank you! I can't believe there are others like me. I'm so sorry you've gone through it too but it is comforting so thanks so much for sharing. I do desperately need therapy, noone can live like this.

OP posts:
MiMi78 · 04/01/2018 20:20

Hi OP.
During my twenties I was taking recreational drugs every weekend. I hit it heavy one night and ended up having a massive panic attack. Then followed a year of hell, daily panic attacks, constant feelings of dread, insomnia, it was awful. It had kicked off some sort of anxiety disorder.
Anyway to cut to the chase, I had a bit of counselling which did nothing, but ended up taking a dose of Citalopram for a year, which got me back to normal within around 6 months. It was amazing just living life again without being terrified.
I hope you find something that works for you. Flowers

Tomselleckhaskindeyes · 04/01/2018 20:42

Actually OP I think medication will help you alongside a course of therapy. If you had a heart problem you would take the medication. They could probably make your life a little easier to cope with. It sounds to me you need to see a psychiatrist who can help you rather than a GP as this is a complicated situation.

nousername123 · 05/01/2018 07:30

I can relate to panic attacks, anxiety and feeling loss of control but this is horrible OP. It sounds like you've got PTSD and you need further counselling. Go back to the doctor and said you need counselling and you can't afford private x

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