Have I Made The Right Decision?

[brokenbladder]

Been with partner for six months. He has never been very affectionate. Not many cuddles etc. Have brought this up with him on a couple of occasions, he says he is “holding back” and will change but never does.

If I didn’t iniate sex we wouldn’t have it. I will be lying in bed naked hugging him and he will barely touch me below my neck. When we do have sex, it’s fantastic but getting there is such hard work. A couple of weeks ago, I lay beside him in bed crying because I felt so unwanted after he fell asleep on me before so much as touching me. I told him this next day, he apologised and said things will change, I can’t see how they have. He says past girlfriends have rejected him so he gave up with sex. I have spelled out to him several times that I won’t reject him and he talks a good talk but again, nothing changes. We used to flirt over text but not anymore. He never compliments me. He assures me he is happy and wants to be with me but he doesn’t act like it.

We saw each other three times in December. A few legitimate reasons but there were plenty of times he could have seen me but other things got put first.

I raised this with him, he apologised, blamed being busy and said things would change but less than a week later, we had an argument because once again, instead of wanting to spend time with me, he went out with his mates. I feel like I beg him to spend time with me. I don’t understand why it’s such a struggle.

I have an eating disorder and have been very open with him about it. He said he will always been there for me. It doesn’t have a major impact on our relationship, I cope with it fairly week and try to shield him from it. A few times I have reached out to him for support and got nothing. He has been busy so couldn’t take time to see me and by busy, I’m talking playing football and golf. I don’t feel I can use him for support with such a big stress in my life.

Out of sheer frustration, I broke up with him at the weekend. He sent me a message saying how gutted he was and that he was sorry he couldn’t make me happy. It was a really heartfelt message and I was so confused. I have agreed to meet with him tomorrow to talk things over.

We’ve never had that “honeymoon” period I’ve experienced before. His lack of affection has fed my insecurities and I’ve driven myself crazy.

I feel like if it was just one issue we faced (lack of affection, not iniating sex, not spending time with me, not putting me first,
not supporting me) I could see how we could work at it but with so many things going wrong, is this relationship able to be saved?

Actions speak louder than words. You're spot on OP, it sounds painful and you've only been seeing him for 6 months. It shouldn't be this difficult and he sounds like he has issues. Life is too short. I'd move on.

He is not heterosexual.

He is either asexual, or homosexual. You cannot make this work.

You could potentially remain friends, but only if he's honest with you. It doesn't sound like he will be.

6 months? No, do not capitulate and go back with him. It wasn't working and you did the right thing.

That's weird. Never experienced that before. I also think he may be gay even if he doesn't want to admit it to himself. Can't see many men lying with their naked girlfriend of 6 months and not touching her!

Definitely sounds like the right decision to me. You f he’s not tearing your clothes off in the first 6 months then that’s not going to improve and you’ll end up feeling worse and worse.

I would cancel the meeting if I were you. What’s the point? Unless you’re planning to reconcile (which the title of this post contraindicates) then you’re just wasting your time and will be needlessly upsetting. You’ve got no ties to him now (kids or property etc), so I’d just cease contact.

It would be pointless to talk to him, OP. Chalk it up to experience and find someone that will value you and support you.

I think you've done the right thing, OP. Six months is long enough to know if this is working. It sounds to me that you're just not a good match. I think anyone in a relationship like you describe would end up feeling bad. I wouldn't spend another moment with him - onwards and upwards!

Do NOT go and talk things through with him. It is pointless. It is messing with your head. You made the right decision.

Seriously, call off this catch up over coffee. No good can come of it for either of you. Or you'll be back here in a few weeks having taken him back and still nothing has changed. And again and again.

1. He has never been very affectionate
2. he says he is “holding back”
3. but getting there is such hard work
4. I lay beside him in bed crying
5. he talks a good talk
6. but he doesn’t act like it
7. I feel like I beg him to spend time with me
8. I have reached out to him for support and got nothing
9. We’ve never had that “honeymoon” period
10. I’ve driven myself crazy
11. but with so many things going wrong

Wow - and that's your words.
And this is 6 months in.
Seriously!!???
I think you need some counselling if you aren't already.
It may help you understand why you are putting up with this.
Life if waaaay too short!
Do NOT meet him.
Leave it as ended.
Work on yourself and then take life from there.
Throw this one back.

Thank you all so much for the replies

I have cancelled tonight’s meeting. I agree with what everyone said. It would be pointless.

He called me and I explained my reasons on the phone. He had excuses for some things I brought up but nothing to say about other things.

He then started crying really badly to the point he could not speak. I don’t even know what to make of that!

Well when you put it like that, I have no idea why I have put up with this either. I have a few ideas why...self esteem at rock bottom etc. Onwards and upwards 😊

He is a bit of a fruitcakeOP

Crying that much while still on the phone to you is manipulative. Normal reaction is to mutter the most dignified goodbye you can manage, hang up, then cry your eyes out.