He's married but wants to be friends

[tehmina23]

Last month I went on (what I understood to be) several dates with a foreign dr who I work with.
It started with him flirting (my colleagues said it was flirting) & asking for my number, then texting to ask me out & requesting me as a fb friend.

On the last date he mentioned his wife just before he left!

I was shocked as I thought he was single.
I didn't know what to say so didn't say anything, then he said goodbye & he went away for 2 weeks to his home country to stay with his wife & inlaws!!

Today he texted asking me to go away for a weekend (btw we've not even kissed) so I replied 'I did not know you were married but now that I know we can only be friends'.

He replied saying he never wanted a relationship & only intended to be friends, which has confused me a bit because friends don't flirt, do they??

I am being polite to him because we are colleagues but I'm disappointed because he's also admitted he thought I knew he was married & that means he obviously thought I was the type of woman who would have an affair.

If he asks me out as 'friends' I will make it clear that I don't want to be alone with him or go out with him, hopefully he will understand that.

I need to add that he's not aware that I have serious MH problems & take a lot of meds just to act 'normal'.
I'm 41 but due to my problems & due to attracting the wrong men I've only had lots of very short relationships.
I don't trust men easily due to bad experiences too.

I would still like to have a long term relationship & have a baby in that relationship but I'm very realistic in the knowledge that it may not happen for me & I feel very sad about that.

He's just scoping you out for an affair. Don't meet with him again. Stay professional at work. Block him on Facebook and if he asks, you deleted your profile. What a sleaze.

Herk. You sound lovely however 💕💕

Jerk 😂

Yeah, I'd decline all future invitations from him, exaggerate how busy you are with something you do, or develop a new interest which fills your time (ensure its not something he could come along to!).
He can be friends in a colleague sort of way at work, and have lunch with you AND some colleagues there - I'd offer those if he queries why you're unable to come out with him anymore. Be polite and nice, but try to distance yourself from him (it will probably help to think about his wife whenever he talks to you at work, and you could even bring her into the conversation, to helpfully remind him!)

Manky sleaze is what he is... a pure Player.. and he played you a blinder...

block his every contact

His intentions are not honourable! You’ve been warned!

Given that, stay well clear. Simply say you’re not interested in anything other than a professional relationship. If he tries on....but can’t we be friends.....just say that you’re not after anything but a proffesional relationship and does he have a problem with this?.....no one ever admits having a problem!

I would avoid him as he was clearly just looking for an affair but being open about it by saying he is married. I was told by a man once men always say they were joking when you turn them down but they were always serious and its true normally.

I guess at least you found out he was married before you got involved. Men like that just target who they fancy so I don't think its any reflection on you.

Thanks for your replies.

Absolutely don't get involved with him. When it all goes pear shaped it could cause problems at work if you find it hard to maintain a professional relationship after being 'friends'. I agree he was looking for an affair but pretending not to be.

I think you should pat yourself on the back for recognising that this man had no intention of starting just a friendship with you. You clocked it and disengaged. Well done you.