I have a really strained relationship with my inlaws and would love to get someone else's perspective.
For background info DH and I had our first child in our early 20s. When DD was born my inlaws made a speech at the hospital about how just because they had become grandparents their lives were not going to change and we were not to ask for help, they would offer if they wanted to help. They visited pretty much every week but never helped with nappies, feeding etc. Once DD was about 3 they would occasionally take her over to theirs for a couple of hours so we could have a break.
DD1 is now 16 and we have two more children, youngest is 9. They haven't taken the children over to their house let alone out anywhere for about three years (since DS was diagnosed with ASD). They come over for a couple of hours nearly every weekend, have a cup of coffee and pretty much just chat to each other.
I feel like I have reached the end of my patience with them. We don't get any emotional support from them (haven't felt able to tell them DD2 was diagnosed with ASD in October). I feel like they visit so they can give the illusion of having a close family to their friends and neighbours.
I find them so very cold yet they hold parties for their neighbours and seemingly have a warm relationship with their next door neighbours (same age as DH and I with children of the same age). I feel so upset that they obviously have to capacity to show warmth but never have done to DH or our children, the upset makes me feel really frustrated too as I know I'm wasting my time on them being upset!
Has anyone else been in this situation? I feel it's bothering more now as my children are getting older I could never be anything but supportive and want them to know they can ask me for help anytime.