friends and money

[Inrockuptible]

Would you consider it wrong to often allow a friend to help you out finacially?
We have close friends in much higher paid jobs, and without children, who insist on paying for us on group trips out, meals out etc. They also send pretty expensive gifts to us for the children.
Recently my friend was visiting us and topped up both our prepay meters with £50, he didn't tell us but left a note wrapped around the card/ key saying he wants to do all he can to help.
They often bring round food, such as when coming round for a BBQ they will bring lots of foods that obviously won't be eaten.
DH is quite embarrased about the whole thing, as he wants to be able to support us all on his own.
We have tried to repay our freiends or refuse offers etc, but they always insist we shouldn't.
I am in two minds.
They are all childless, single, and in well paid jobs, but have their own things to save for.
But then again we are very very close friends and I know I would want to do the same for them if they were in our position, and would be offended if they refused any help. And our alternative is high interest credit card debt, just for the basics, and I don't want that.

What lovely friends you have. They must really care for you and your family, maybe even see you as an extention of their own family.
I think for them to show you such generosity and such kindness they must already be getting their rewards in having you and your DH as their friends.
Don't let pride spoil such a good friendship

I wouldn't feel comfortable with that at all.

They do sound lovely, and I understand that it's hard to make ends meet sometimes (well, all the time!) but I want my friendships completely seperate from money issues. I would certainly accept children's gifts and food for a bbq with good grace but I wouldn't go further than that.

Thanks so much .We are a really tight group who have been through so much together in the past and as I said, I would do anything I could for any of them. This is something I know we should cherise as it is sadly rare.
I just hope they don't feel obliged in some way.

As a person who is a 'giver' I am sure they won't feel obliged. They do it because they care about you.
As you say, if the roles were reversed you would do exactly the same thing. You are all obviously very nice people
It makes a nice change

i agree with ifonlyhewould they sound lovely...

..situations can change and as you say you would do the same for them...

they are helping in practical way and cause they want to....they are not trying to give you problems but ease some...

yeh, nice friends...

Thanks I hoped you'd mostly agree with me.
I would do anything I can for them. i.e I travelled to Devon when my friends father suddenly died, with DS (aged 2 months at the time)in tow. I just got the call, knew she needed me, packed a rucksack with the basics and left.
Money just seems such a 'dirty' issue amongst friends for some people, I don't know why.

Well try to look beyond the money, its the kindness that counts

You sound like a really great bunch of friends. I'm quite

It's mainly DH who has problems with it,
but our friend jason put it quite succinctly when he said, "if we were lost in the woods and I had a candle and food,I would share it with you all, and I wouldn't be sending the baillifs round looking for my money back later"
Or someting like that, it was much funnier at the time, but so true.

Gosh! It's like a tv programme
I want some friends like that!!

Well, you are wonderfully unconditional in your support - like dashing down when your freinds dad died - and i supose this is one way they can show their appreciation to you.

I would be more uncomfortable about the meter key than hospitality when out and about - but it does sound as if you are very close friends and it's probably ok!

I think they sound like fabulous friends-and nobody is forcing them to do this-they want to and definitely enjoy doing what they can to help their equally lovely friends.

You know that if the boot were on the other foot-you would do the same.

Be thankful you have such lovely people in your lives and give in return in other wasy such as you have already mentioned.

but your dh isn't comfortable with it, so rather than carrying on maybe you can meet him half way? meals out if they want to pay let them or you pay for the drinks, meals at your house you buy the food maybe they can bring some wine.

i would feel the same as he does no matter how close a friendship was.

I'm in a similar position at the moment - dh isn't working and we are pretty broke. Most of my friends are pretty wealthy and are always doing lovely things like taking me out to lunch and not letting me pay, or inviting my kids to the cinema with their kids and saying 'I already bought the tickets, don't worry about it'. They are truly good friends. I 'repay' them whenever I can by, for example, having their kids over to play and having a cheap but fun time, or by going for a long walk and a chat if one of them is down.

I think you are really lucky to have such good friends who love and value you - I know I am.

The crucial thing is you didn't ASK for help; they clearly just enjoy giving it.

Try to relax and enjoy. What goes around comes around and perhaps soon you'll find a way - not necessarily financially - to reciprocate.

You have lovely friends who are obviously looking out for you, if someone is offering something then take it. Your dh may want to do it all himself but sometimes you can cut your nose of to spite your face. They must see you are trying and want to help you along, if you were horrible people they would walk on by.