Being slagged off for no apparent reason

[angstinabaggyjumper]

My parents fostered a friend's daughter for him many years ago and she remained a family friend. I refer to her as my foster sister (FS). Some years ago she moved back into the vicinity and became very close to my DM and this coincided with my DM becoming more critical and dismissive of me, in fact looking for reasons to fall out with me. One of the last things my DM said to me before she died was that I had to 'get over' being unpleasant to FS. To my knowledge I have never been unpleasant to FS.
Recently a friend from many years ago got in contact with me and FS and she was all chatty and said she was meeting FS for lunch and she would ring me later and tell me how it went. Of course she hasn't called from that day to this and now I am left thinking that FS is a serious liar and makes things up about me in order to alienate me from friends and family and it seems to have worked. I feel very upset about being so naive and wonder if I should just NC FS.

I think you should. People like her are not worth keeping in contact with and others are stupid enough to believe it as well.

TBH I just didn't want to be horrible but know that just sounds stupid like a door mat.

What's your relationship like with your dad? Can he shed a light on what FS said to DM?

But yes, you owe nothing to FS, go NC. Does she still try to contact you?

How on earth do you know that's what she's been doing until you speak to the other friend that didn't contact you after seeing FS?
Speak to that person first, surely.

Cantuccit Sadly my dad has passed. Well we usually send cards and presents at Christmas and she called me last year but when I texted her this year she wasn't very expansive. Had a party a couple of years ago and she came to that.
Linguini Yes you hit a spot there because I also think well she told my DM that I didn't believe her about an accident she had - well that's not true why on earth would I disbelieve her but of course it made my DM angry with me.
She told my DM I was rude to her when she got my post code wrong. WTF?
Is that all or is it the tip of the iceberg? I once told my DM that I knew she spent all her time with FS complaining about me and it made me very uncomfortable and my DM replied yes but FS doesn't say anything she just listens.
I can't just ask what did FS say about me because it would put her in an awkward situation and I don't want to do that.

Poor FS is all I can say!

Why?

Have you actually spoken to her, or is this all surmise on your part? From your post it really sounds more like you’re imagining things to me. I think it’s unfair to go NC based on what you’ve said as there’s nothing to suggest she’s actually said anything about you. You’ve either left out a lot of context or your being paranoid imo.

I find it strange that friend was going to call you to tell you how her lunch with FS went. Why would she be doing that?

Ask fs! I'm sure your friend would tell you if someone has been sksgging you off, No?

This sounds weird. Does your friend know about the history between you and FS? Is that the reason for the promise to ‘report’ back? There could be a million reasons why your friend didn’t call but to assume it’s because FS slagged you off which has precipitated your friend’s avoidance of you, is several steps too far.

As for the relationship between you and your mother, it sounds like your relationship wasn’t great before FS and she’s being scapegoated for it.

If you don’t get on then you don’t need to maintain contact but it does sound like she’s become your convenient excuse for your relationships going sour.

Thanks for your advice everyone.