Hi not been on here for a while and had to make a new account after loosing my old log in details.
I'm late 20s, mum of 3 been with my partner over 10 years, we've never really had a good relationship, 1 of those relationship which looks fine on the outside but far from it behind closed doors.
I've always had that feeling that we just don't particularly like each other, that we can't be bothered with each other, I'd been asking him to leave since before xmas last year and he just wouldn't accept it, we don't have much money although we both work and he is wasteful with it but if I lift £10 from a cashline he questions me. I want to concentrate on decorating my house but he constantly sqaunders our money on rubbish and basically I know that me, him and the kids would be so much happier if we split up.
He refuses to leave, totally refuses, I feel helpless, he makes it so so difficult for me and disappears, sends abusive messages, threatens suicide, and although that I'm 99% positive the suicide thing is for attention, there's always that part of me that thinks what if he did, how would I live with myself.
So in the summer time I got friendly with a guy older than me from work, we were both in the same kind of position miserable at home but I was always adamant nothing would happen at 1st but then as the friendship grew we had a brief affair which got found out (mostly emotional but got physical on a couple of occasions), we're still friendly but both agreed it was over in terms of anything further. My partner has lost the plot since he found out, but still refuses to leave, when he found out I was relieved because I assumed that would be it n he would finally leave of his own accord but it just made our relationship more abusive, I've been begging him from September to leave, he says if he ever leaves he'll make my life hell.
He's now trying to make me leave my work, he thoroughly checks my phone bills, doesn't barely let me out the house unless im with him or 1 of the kids or its something a case or popping out for 5 with good reason, if I go to my mums I need to send pictures of her living room every 10 minutes and when my youngest child is at nursery in the morning he practically calls me for the whole time while he is at work, obviously because I'm not allowed to have any spare time to myself.
How on earth do I get out of this relationship without it being messy, problem is OH is seen as a nice guy and pretty quiet compared to me so people would struggle to believe a lot of this.