Just to say

[Apileofballyhoo]

Overall, the person you are in a relationship with should make your life easier. Not harder.

I agree, Apile, in theory.

But what if the person you are in a relationship with is a good person, who loves you and you love them. You have been together years without much hardship, only good times. Then something comes to light, and things get hard all of a sudden. Does that person deserve help / a second chance? Surely every relationship hits a stumbling block?

As you know I am at a cross roads with my relationship ATM...and I do agree things should be easy. But sometimes they aren't and that doesn't take away from how much you love that person.

How do you measure "easy"? My home life is much harder, but my work life is easier.

I don't think things are that simple.

Overall. So if it's a question of a long term relationship that has hit a difficult time due to outside pressures - overall, over the past 2, 5, 10, 20 years, that person has made your life easier.

I'm not sure what you mean about your work life being easier, keepithidden.

Since I met my DP (5+ years) my life has been so much easier and more pleasant and happy, he has helped me get through some really tough times, helped me when I had to face some demons and past traumas, made me want to be a better person (I became a better person), we have had the best of times together...no major arguments, we understand each other and help and encourage each other.

Like I said, something has come to light which means he may need professional help...if I stay with him, it will be a very tough road. Maybe even impossible. This is the choice I need to make...but just because this will make my life harder does not mean I should just give up on him, should it? Overall, he has improved my life immeasurably

"I'm not sure what you mean about your work life being easier, keepithidden."

Sorry it was a bit oblique wasn't it!

I suppose I was thinking of all the different angles of whether life is easier or not and what categories they would fall in to. Initially I was thinking of emotionally, mentally, socially, professionally and financially and whether my life would have been easier or harder without a relationship/with someone different. But I guess as there is no "control" then it's all a bit subjective.

The general gist of what you're saying I agree with entirely though, at least philosophically even if I can't make it work practically!

Suspencers, I can't imagine what could have come to light that could make you leave someone in their time of need...

A drug problem

Ah Suspencers, I'm on your other thread. Addiction is a funny thing. Overall it would make your life much much harder to live with it. I hope he sorts himself out. Not accepting his behaviour is the biggest gift you can give him. My DH has relapsed and I'm just told him if he buys any more he's out. I've said that many times before - he normally gives up then - but the trouble is he goes back on it and we end up in the same hellish cycle. He's a lovely man and we are best friends but I'm at the end now. We've been married 10 years and have 1DC. I wish I'd left before now, because the good times don't outweigh the bad anymore and I'm full of anger rather than compassion. Take care of you.

Wow - Apile, thank you for sharing, I didn't realise you were in a similar position. I am sorry to hear things are so tough and he's had a relapse. Will you take your own advice and leave? It's so hard when it's your own life isn't it? Logically I know you are right and I should cut my losses but emotionally in my heart I want us to work.

I haven't spoken to him in a few days now and I feel empty. I got alot of good advice on my other thread, which I know to be true. I fear I won't take heed because the pull towards him and my love for him is too great. I want him to succeed though so will stay away. Its killing me though!!

Well - I’d e been stumped for childcare! But I wouldn’t have had to endure so much strictly on the telly..so on balance...
But seriously - relationships are work because maintaining equilibrium and an equal reciprocal relationship on a day to day basis means remembering you matter but that you don’t matter more than your partner. And we can all get ourselves into a place where we can feel we are giving more than we get and feel resentful or getting more than we give and disrespectful. There is no referee to call us out - only the other person -who may be right or may be being selfish. That’s why we have Mumsnet - sort of!