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Original poster

Time spent at DP home

41 replies

Snapnchat · 02/01/2018 07:09

NC for this..

Been with partner for 6 years, we don’t live together. He is retired, I work FT+. I seem to spend nearly all my weekend (bar Saturday daytime) at his, which I’m resenting now as I get nothing done indoors, and he has 24/7 to do everything, AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
Snapnchat · 02/01/2018 14:10

raven living all together is not an option, we have different parenting styles (me liberal, him draconian) we would clash terribly. Yes maybe the passion is wearing thin now. I’m so tired from work that I just want to be comfortable in my home, doing my stuff.

OP posts:
princesssparkle1 · 06/01/2018 07:10

It doesn't sound like a romantic relationship I'd choose to be a part of 😳

Wishingandwaiting · 06/01/2018 07:28

Unless he actually chains you to his place then o can’t see the problem.

Go to yours and do what you need to do.

If he actually wants to be with you, he will come to you. If not, then you know it’s a dead end.

Vitalogy · 06/01/2018 07:43

It'd be nice if he came to your house mid week and for him to make a meal. Then you maybe going to his Saturday evening/Sunday.
I agree though, does sound like he wants it all his way which isn't fair.

Ladylouanne · 06/01/2018 09:00

OP, sorry if I've missed it but how far apart do you live? Me and my DP pretty much alternative weekends in each others' houses as we live over an hour apart.

I totally understand your point about not getting stuff done at home but the alternating makes this easier,which I appreciate isn't as easy for you. We both work full time.

On an average weekend, we tend to be together from Saturday lunchtime to Sunday evening. I'm currently building up to putting the iPad down and getting the errands done before he arrives at mine.

I agree with others about his response to you though, that doesn't sound very nice.

HipsterAssassin · 06/01/2018 09:17

Sounds as though you’re approaching a bit of a stalemate in this relationship. Not much wiggle room and if his dd isn’t ever going to leave home perhaps this relationship has run its course. Be true to yourself, spend more time doing what you want/need/nurture yourself and your friendships/interests and be calm and matter of fact about what you need. Then just do it. See where it leaves you all.

Onecutefox · 06/01/2018 09:19

This, If he actually wants to be with you, he will come to you.

Onecutefox · 06/01/2018 09:22

If he can leave his daughter on her own during the day or overnight then he can stay at yours.
I would stay at his only one night.

Ellisandra · 06/01/2018 09:30

I think you've gone off him and aren't quite ready to accept it yet.

Because with 2 working adults in your home, there's no way you need more than the Saturday day time that you already have to keep up with "things" at home.

You already have 2 adults to share the load of what must be very minimal housework.

I don't think you need to be home doing jobs. I think you just don't like this guy enough any more. And I'm not surprised, given the lack of effort from him. (I used to be the one to go to my fiancé but that was a due to a health issue with his child at the time, now she has recovered, its balanced - but he showed in all other ways that he wasn't selfish)

Even if your relationship was good, I would say you are making a mistake spending 3 evenings and a full Sunday with him to the extent that you have no time for hobbies.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 06/01/2018 10:19

I'd be expecting a lot more than your getting to be honest. At the very least, he should be coming over one day a week, cooking you dinner, doing any little jobs in the house that you can't do and putting the bins out. Yes, I'd expect at least that, and then alternate week-ends at each others hoses.

Ellisandra · 06/01/2018 11:35

putting the bins out

Did I actually just read that? I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

There's a lot this man should be doing, but you know - I think the OP is a grown woman who can put her own bloody bins out! Shock

Anyway, she has an adult male son living at home, so thank goodness we don't have to worry about her putting bins out. Hmm

HipsterAssassin · 06/01/2018 12:02

He should be putting the bins out

Hahahahahahahaha! I must have missed the part about OP not having any arms.

Shock hahaha!

NerrSnerr · 06/01/2018 12:06

That’s where me and my husband are going wrong. Before we lived together he didn’t put my bins out once. Bastard.

FizzyGreenWater · 06/01/2018 13:58

The bins, the bins, my kingdom for a bin-putter-outer.

WPOB (Will Put Out Bins) is up there with GSOH on the old OLD profiles.

christmaspudding1 · 06/01/2018 15:14

sorry op but this is going nowhere

where do you see this going?

Original poster
Snapnchat · 07/01/2018 19:46

Thanks for all the replies.

We had a discussion and he understands he can and will do more. He has been at mine most of the weekend doing bits and bobs for me.

And as for adult children ‘helping’ if only, they just make more workHmm

And as for the bins? I’ve been putting bins out for so long that I would actually miss doing itWink

OP posts:
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