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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Emotional affair

6 replies

lollypophairball · 02/01/2018 03:51

Need help to stop the raging. It bursts out every now and then along with the need to know the details. The details feel like they are being drip fed to me.

I don't believe they actually slept together. They are long time friends (she was mine also) and work together. It became more over a short time with a number of occasions of kissing and holding each other. Always at her house, alone.

She is single and her love life a tinder joke (mid 40s). He and I have been together 16 years, 2 kids. Sex had died off and we were resentful and disinterested in one another. Since this has come out our sex life has been on fire which is fantastic.

I believe it came out just in time as the friendship/work relationship they had had only just changed towards becoming something else.

He's very regretful and we are working on a shared future. We have seen one counselor and plan to see another regularly and develop shared interests and - vitally - weekends away from the domestic humdrum. But I need to know if I am being pathetic and how to get past the anger. I haven't seen her, but she's been in contact basically showing me she feels she has done nothing wrong because they didn't have sex.

Esther Perel books on order! Thoughts to mull over appreciated.

OP posts:
hevonbu · 02/01/2018 04:00

"how to get past the anger"

There's an eighties book still on sale as a paperback, "The New Diary", it treats how to get over and through various things. Check it out on Amazon. One advantage is that it gives tools to reflect. Since you two now are working towards a shared future, raging outwardly might not be beneficial, a diary will give you the tool to reflect and rage within a confined environment. It doesn't leave a log or blog on the internet either.

lollypophairball · 02/01/2018 04:25

Oh thank you! I was just absorbed in the thread below from threechildrenandadog (I think) about very similar circumstances. Helps to know I am not alone.

OP posts:
PNGirl · 02/01/2018 11:21

The re-igniting of your sex life is normal. Look up hysterical bonding.

hellsbellsmelons · 02/01/2018 12:33

Yep I was gonna mention hysterical bonding.
We all do it!
Do you have DC together?
I'm late 40's and on Tinder.
I don't believe that makes me a 'joke'.
Maybe I'm wrong!?

Worriedrose · 02/01/2018 14:45

Nice thing to say about people on tinders lives being a joke.
And it's hysterical bonding. It's not real. It's you trying to desperately cling onto a husband that wanted to sleep with someone else.
I would get yourself to couples counselling

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