This isn't normal is it?

[Boblecky]

Thing is it was my normal growing up as my dad and brother both have very short fuses. But I don't think it should be, iykwim.

I'd opened a window earlier and when I closed it i caught the blind and broke it. I was careless but it was obviously a mistake. DH shouted at me. I said I was sorry and would replace it but he just carried on sulking before storming upstairs without having any dinner, telling me i always break things ( i don't) and hasn't spoken to me since. Yes it was stupid but it was an accident and I apologised. This isn't the first time he has reacted like this and it really upsets me.

This isn't normal is it?

Nope. It's an accident.

On my second outing out in the car on my own just after I'd passed my test I misjudged a pillar in the work car park and dented the door extremely badly.

I called my husband. He checked I was ok, said not to worry, it's just a car and that was it.

That is normal.

No. Not normal. It's just a thing and nobody died

Merry I did exactly that. Day 2. New car. Big red crumple in the door from a pillar!

Thanks merry, your husband's reaction is what mine would be so what I expect in return. I sometimes think I over react to anger because of my past with abusive dad and brother but I don't feel this was proportionate at all.

DP treats me the same, am always clumsy have broken few things accidentally, but no am all sorts, stupid, etc storms away in a mood yells at me to leave him alone, DS who's 2 years old whenever he goes in a wee temper mood and pushes DP away it's all my fault aswell apparently!!! I can't win an argument no matter what I say am always wrong in his eyes, so I just leave him to sulk in the room until he comes out his stupid mood, closer and closer to pushing me away, I know he suffers anxiety put he shouldn't be treating me like that, currently in another dispute this precise moment

Exactly how i feel crazylou, closer and closer to being pushed away. It makes me feel like I'm worthless when he goes on at me about something that was just a stupid mistake and I really don't need that in my life.

@JeReviens - thankfully it wasn't a new car for me but it was witnessed by a colleague who clearly wanted to laugh and comfort me at the same time.

Honestly - it's never ok to subject anyone to
Moods like that OP - sure, we all get angry and frustrated as we're only human but it's not at all proportionate to sulk and not talk to you over an accidentally broken blind.

He shouted at you and your reaction was to apologise to him? Wtf? You seem to think apologising was a normal, correct, reaction. No. Very no.

You break a thing. You swear at thing. If he shouts at you, you tell him you will not be spoken to like that and you flounce. Then you carry on with your dinner or whatever waiting for his apology for shouting at you.

You certainly don't hang around while someone goes on and on at you.

How good will his apology be when he finally comes out of his sulk?

Tell him that he needs to go & seek help for his tantrums because at his age he should have grown out of them by now.

Do you have DC together?

It was a bloody blind. How DARE he shout at you for that.

He needs to sort himself out. The only thing you've done wrong, OP, is to get involved with a man who has anger issues. But it sounds as though your father was the same and it's a common thing for victims of abuse to seek out people with similar tendencies to their abuser.

You deserve better, you really do.

All to do with him and nothing to do with you - I left a hot frying pan down on work top last year, having burnt my own hand! - and dh nearly broke out in a rash- it had taken up the tiniest bit of the surface. Turns out he finds this kind of thing highly stressful and worrying- thinking of the cost of replacement, grew up in a house where everything was perfect etc. If he'd done it himself he would have been equally mad. I was breezy and just said you don't even notice it etc and he got perspective but it takes time whereas you or I know immediately it's not a big deal.

No DC.

He's still off with me this morning but I'm back at work today so at least I'm not around his mood. I think he was most annoyed that I didn't seem particularly bothered about it. Which I wasn't, it's a sodding blind! Noone died, it's fixable. He just has no perspective sometimes. Like mikado1, he would be equally as mad if he'd done it himself.

Honestly, you don't need that shit in your life. It isn't normal.

weirdly for some reason we often seek out what we are used to. You've ended up with someone who is like your dad/brother!

so well done for realising it isn't normal as I expect a lot of people never even get to that realisation!

hopefully he isn't ever violent with you - if he isn't, I would point out that his reaction is an over reaction and you think he needs anger management. He probably won't want to hear it but he needs to hear it.

if he has ever been violent, then obviously don't say that and plan to get out :(

tbh without dc, I would be wondering whether it's worth continuing a relationship with someone that makes you feel so worthless

No, it's not normal.

Personally, as you are at work, I would message him, and say that this reaction is clearly not about the blind, as it is not normal to get so angry and upset about a damaged blind, and what is going on in his life that is really upsetting him? Then say that if there is nothing else wrong, and it really is just about a damaged blind, then he needs to seek some help sooner rather than later.

Obviously, as others have said, if he has ever been physically aggressive in the past, don't do this, and just leave.

No DC!!!
Result!
Get out now.
Can you imagine you and your poor DC having to walk on eggshells all the time?
Don't inflict this 'man' on any future DC.
It's not fair.
Just picture yourself walking into the house every single evening and not worrying about what his mood might be like.
Free yourself.

What hellsbells said. Unfortunately, he will probably only get worse as he gets older.