I've been reading a few threads about friendships recently and I wondered what you intuitive people would do in my situation.
I would describe myself as someone who has a handful of good friends but these days they are spread across the UK / the world so I do not have many very good friends around me. We have recently also moved to a new-ish area for partner's work / schools etc so have not yet built up many friendships, which is the backdrop to the WWYD.
I've been what I thought was very good friends with a girlfriend since University, where we lived together for year. Very close, especially during the five years or so after Uni when we were single. Fast forward a decade (and some) and said friend is now a very successful banker in London. She has always been very confident, very sociable and - usually - well-liked while I have always been a bit shier and quieter.
Even when we did see a lot of each other, she always had a lot more 'good friends' than I did as she was such a social butterfly and didn't seem to like doing things on her own. However, she always referred to us as 'sisters' and we always talked about a lot of deep things that she said she felt she couldn't discuss with others. However, over time I've noticed that when we do meet up and I hear about her life it has become so different to mine, with her job in banking and the social life being very glamorous and high-powered indeed.
So my WWYD is really about the state of the friendship now and whether it is worth my while trying to continue it or whether we have just drifted and there is no point trying. I see my friend now maybe twice a year but always at her instigation. Whenever I try and get in touch with her, she blanks me until such time she is ready for a catch up which could be months later. Even though this has been happening for a while, I still find it a bit upsetting and as though I am getting her 'crumbs'. I know she has a lot of best friends but when I do see her we have a good time and I do feel close to her but then she disappears for - sometimes - many months and I can't get hold of her even if I try so it feels a bit like a phantom friendship most of the time, if that makes sense. A phantom friendship with a few good meet ups here and there where we have a lot of fun and have that shared history, etc.
It has come to a bit of a head for me over Christmas as I was trying to arrange to meet up with her to give her and her daughter some gifts but despite calling and texting a few times in early December, I never heard anything back. It makes me feel like a bit of a sad case, to be honest!!
I am not a particularly 'fake' person so would struggle to continue to be blase about not really being in contact with said friend apart from whenever she fancied it. I think this is bothering me because it's been going on so long I feel I need to clear some space in my life for some new close friends who are available. Shall I just stop trying and return the gifts! Or consider her less of a friend but respond if and when she gets in touch? WWYD?