Relationships 'running their course' ?

[coldlocation]

Sailing very close to ending a relationship which on paper is amazing - DP devoted to me, adores me, repeatedly says will do anything to make me happy, gave me amazing thoughtful xmas gifts, adores and is brilliant with my 3 dc (who adore DP in return). But various things have happened over the course of our 2.5yr relationship that have made me really doubt that we are at all compatible.... Big things (extrovert wide circle of friends : me, social anxiety only 1 or 2 friends :DP, different body clocks, different opinions on affection me:cool to DP :tactile/huggy, DP very academic and cerebral and not chatty while I never shut up and flit from one thing to another) and tiny things (I don't like dp's dress sense, I find dp's house really untidy bordering on unclean, dp drinks a fair bit I don't give a fig about drinking).

Various events in the past have caused my opinion of dp to shift and shaken my faith in the relationship and the love and affection /attraction I had has faded away for me. This is sad as it could've been good. We have talked openly and honestly, I have told DP (who likes things out in the open) that I'm not feeling the love and attraction I'd hoped and don't know how to improve things or reawaken the feelings I once had and wish I still felt. This was in a calm and loving way when we decided on a "total honesty" chat to try and work out how to move forward (I heard harsh things about myself). But we find ourselves in a kinda odd friendship zone now.

When I suggested that perhaps our relationship had simply run its course dp went off the deep end... What did I mean? Never heard such nonsense as a relationship just fizzling out.. I'm clearly stupid as I can't see a what I'm proposing to throw away, why would I choose to be single rather than being with someone who would do anything for me etc etc.

... But surely relationships do just run their course. I feel my marriage did... It was good while it lasted but we drifted a way from each other and couldn't fix it.

Bit rambley sorry but slightly lost my perspective on this... Relationships do just sometimes run their course don't they?

For me relationships ebb and flow. They can be brought back from the brink if the love and attraction was there in the first place. Also opposites do attract but equally having similar views on life is important.

Maybe what you need is a break from each other to reassess how you feel when you are not seeing each other. Three months is generally a good amount of time.

For me relationships have always run their course. It does bloody hurt when you are not the one deciding it's "time" but nobody should feel obligated to stay in a relationship with someone they no longer feel that way about.

If he thinks you are so stupid then why does he want you anyway?

Just call it a day.

Just end it. You don't need his blessing to do so. It's your choice.

I bet the 'various events in the past' would make it obvious you should dump him, were you to list them.

The sheer fact that he can so easily dismiss your worries and concerns by saying you're being stupid (ie he knows better than you, your opinion doesn't matter, you don't know what you're talking about) would have his ass out the door before he could blink. How dare he tell you what to think!

Of course relationships can run their course. Especially if there is such a disparity in your personality types. How on earth did you get together in the first place?!

I think 2 years is just about the time when you know someone well so at that point its a deeper commitment or separation.Just because he loves you doesn't mean it has to be reciprocal.

He may need to let it sink it as perhaps he wasn't on the same page but well done you for not just drifting into long term relationship that doesn't work for you.