Is there any way forward at all

[sleepwouldbenice]

I just don't know if there is anything that can be done. Will try to cover all our many issues

I found my job very stressful. Dh gave little support over this. Have finally quit will work there for a couple of months and have 6 months pay. Obviously have worries about finding another job

The whole 'mental load' thing. I have to manage and sort everything. Dh and kids will do things asked eventually but I have to nag and remember and think of everything. On top of job stress. Have talked about everyone else doing more many many times

With the above I have become snappy and grumpy. But really if anyone would just pull their weight or occasionally just think of me then life wouold be much nicer all round

I haven't been sleeping properly for months. If really worried then 4 hours a night. Have tried melatonin sometimes works a little. Nothing else does. Feel I may have depression. Did some c b t didn't work. Honestly feel that if I had more support then life would be much better

Dh has impotence issue. From the summer. I honestly said not to worry it happens but gently encouraged to see doctor. He hasn't so no sex since then and I am just supposed to live with it

No emotion from dh. No hugs kisses hand holds. Unless forced

We did have good days as a family though. Not all rows. Did get on laugh and joke etc. just in the context of the above

But in the last two months was when my job issues came to a head. And then I discovered dh was googling porn. Even when I as in the room...

My confidence has hit rock bottom. My self worth is zilch. Dh says he finds it hard to be affectionate due to the rows. The rows happen as I am exhausted and feel like dirt. I asked dh to arrange counselling when the porn issue happened but 2 months later nothing is sorted

Is there any hope? All I want is for someone to love and care for me but it can't seem to happen. I just don't know what to do.

Thanks for reading. X

I really feel for you. My ex and I didn’t have sex for four years. He was and still is an alcoholic so blamed that. He was always looking at porn but he denied wanking to it. But he was. Can he get a hard on to porn? I find porn deal breaker myself. Can you imagine yourself with him in 5,10’years time? What would your life be like if still with him. This helped me to realise I couldn’t stay.

Thanks for the reply. I can't carry on as is much longer I feel lower and lower each day. I just don't know if it can come back from here. He's not a terrible person it's just the mess everything is in. Porn is a deal breaker for me too but it's just on top of everything else that it really impacts me. No idea about hard on he wouldn't admit anyway. I just can't paint on the happy face anymore

Hi OP
The only way from here is up!
Your DH needs to get himself sorted out by seeing his GP and the dc need motivation to do chores without being told constantly.
If you can afford pocket money then they(depending on ages)can make their beds,tidy bedrooms,whatever needs doing.sit down today with them and write It out.if you can't afford pocket money then they can be doing it for points which add up to a day at the park or similar.get them involved.
Are you looking for your dh to sort out his issues or have you had enough and think you would be happier alone?
Perhaps he is looking at porn to try and get an erection to prove to himself he can still get one.(not excusing him btw).
Nobody is putting you first,so until they do,you do it.
Be kind to yourself,take time out for you..
You can consider giving him an ultimatum,a time period in which to see his GP,if he doesn't sort out his issues you want a separation.
It all depends on what you want.this is your life,not his to mess about.
Remember this,YOU ARE NOT WORTHLESS.you are a beautiful loving mother and woman.remind yourself this every morning.
We are all standing beside you OP.
Good luck
Pm me if you want a chat🌼

Thank you for taking the time to respond. Crying now. X