I've been married for 8 years and have two children. Two years ago, I had a miscarriage at 13 weeks which devastated both of us. Shortly after, whilst I was struggling with ptsd and the aftermath of the miscarriage, (it was traumatic physically) My husband had an emotional affair with a girl he worked with. Flirting developed into sexting one night, followed by a series of little chats between them about 'what it meant' and more flirting before I called him out on all of the messages he was sending her and he admitted everything. I kicked him out. He sobbed and begged to come back. I'd discovered a few days before his admission that I was pregnant again. I was scared and devestated and felt like I needed to give him another chance. He paid for counciling, there were other problems in our relationship which we agreed to work on. He had an addiction to porn. Counciling helped. But that was 18 months ago and all of the changes he'd put into place have gone back to how they were before. For example, when I bring something up I want to talk about, he doesn't listen to me - he jumps in defensively before I finish a sentence completely misunderstanding what I'm saying. Then has a go at me. I get no time for myself, he gets annoyed if i leave him and the kids to do tbe cleaning. He says he doesn't, but he does. He considers this giving me time to myself! He has, because he desperately wanted too, taken 4 months shared leave with our youngest and is now going to be working 3 days a week whilst I work full time. He stepped up a bit with the cleaning whilst I was off but it wasn't consistent and I still did most of the cooking. I earn more but my job has become so stressful of late and im struggling. I need to do more work at home to keep up, but he gets annoyed when I do and complains we are not spending time as a family. It makes me feel massively guilty. But, then he will sit, whilst I play with the children, writing ideas for his books. Not work, just fun stuff. I think, after what he has put me through, I've lost the ability to bite my tounge and let it happen. I'm just not going to put up with his sniping or him being inconsiderate and selfish and I'm biting back. It just causes rows though and is really upsetting our eldest. I think about leaving at least once a day. Has not a monster, but I'm unhappy. I feel like he has gone back on all of his promises when we were in counciling and I deserve better. I love him, but it isn't enough. But, is a brilliant dad. My children would be devastated. I don't think I could cope financially and I wouldn't get much maintenance as he would want shared custody and he works part time. I don't think I could do it all alone with my job as well. Leaving my children is not an option - I dont think I could cope with having to share custody, the thought of not being with them makes me feel sick. I'm stuck. I keep plodding along hoping things will get better but they don't. I don't know what to do.