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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

I don’t know how to help him

2 replies

Alwayscommuting · 31/12/2017 20:02

This might be a long one but I don’t want to drip feed.

I’ve been with my husband for 7 years and he is a wonderful person. My family has always been very open with emotions and so i am within our marriage too. My husband isn’t. I don’t know if it’s because he’s a man or because his family don’t really talk about emotions but he’s always been quite closed off when it comes to how he feels with only a few exceptions.

Things haven’t always been plain sailing for us as we have had 2 MC and have struggled to conceive since. We also both come from non traditional families. He was adopted when he was old enough to remember it and I’m from a single parent family with an emotionally abusive estranged father.

Yesterday my husband was sent home from work because they had concerns about his mental health, from what I could gather he had a breakdown at work. We spoke a little last night and I don’t think there was just one thing that he was upset about I think it was a build up of lots of things over time. In the past he has told me that he feels he isn’t good enough and that his birth parents must have thought that too as they have him away. He has no interest in finding out anything about them or contacting them. He does occasionally get very angry about things but never with other people only with himself.

He now says he’s fine and that there’s nothing wrong but I can tell that he’s not himself. I’ve offered myself as an ear if he wants to talk or if he wants to speak to someone impartial then he could speak to a counsellor. I had counselling in the past and found it very very beneficial. He maintains that he’s fine and doesn’t need any help. I don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
tiktok · 31/12/2017 20:59

So difficult for both of you. Clearly your dh is not fine at all. If work are sympathetic could he take time off while he decides what the next step might be in terms of getting help? The very least: visit to GP. Would he agree to that?

SmashyCup · 31/12/2017 22:45

It does sound like a reaction to burying emotions over a long period of time. I agree with tiktok that some time off to work through his thoughts could be helpful, I'm sure a GP would support this and encourage him to get counselling to help him get to the underlying issues. It's not easy to dredge up things you've lived with for so long but sometimes it's the only way to move forward. Not an easy situation at all, for either of you.

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