Anyone else have a husband with anxiety?

[pocketfullofsunshine]

So a bit of background. A year and half ago we had a bad car crash. Woman decided to run a red light and hit us at 40mph with our then 5 month old boy in the car.
Ever since then my (almost) husband has been suffering with anxiety depression. He's been in and out of jobs due to not being able to cope. But lately his anxiety is spiralling out of control.
Since his anxiety came to the surface I've been the one on the receiving end of his outbursts, he's often very snappy and irritable. Doesn't want to leave the house and often loses his temper with our 2 year old.
I know it isn't his fault, And I feel awful for writing this. But I'm at my wits end.
I've recently been diagnosed with pcos so I'm struggling to deal with that and his outburts.
He often says he doesn't feel he deserves me and how much he loves me. I'm feeling like maybe us getting married in may should be postponed as I know that may be worrying him too.
I work from home as a network marketer and need to use my phone alot, this irritates him alot too.
I have no idea what to do to help him :(

Could it be PTSD? My old man has it from his 22 years in the army, he has outburst of rage, never aimed at the family and when it happens he leaves the home!

I suggest he gets his arse to the GP

He's been to the GP and they referred him for counselling. He started going and then stopped which frustrates me.
I didn't even know until he didn't go to his next appointment "/

I reccomend cannabis oil. The kind that has had the hallucinogen removed.

It's amazing OP...very good for anxiety.

Counselling and psychiatry are personal relationships. He may not have clicked with the counsellor.

I would make him a GP appointment and would ask his permission to go with him, then if necessary list the difficulties you have observed. Don't try to second guess the treatment he needs - it sounds like he desperately needs meds, but that's between him and his doctors.

My DH has anxiety about almost everything. It started about 3 years ago and he had a mental breakdown and got very depressed.

The GP prescribed pills but DH only took them for a few weeks then just decided to stop.

After about a year, I finally persuaded him to go back to the GP and seek alternative treatment. He was referred for counselling but only attended 2 sessions then refused to go back.

I empathise with you, OP. It can be pretty stressful living a very anxious, stressed person.

I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place.. I've just been diagnosed with pcos so I have all my crap going on too.. I haven't even begun to process that yet.
I come last in this house. I'm always there when he needs me and I'm taking care of my son too.. it's getting to the point where I'm not sleeping and even crying at night for relief. I don't know what else to do.
Aside from dragging him to the Drs myself and forcing him to do what needs to be done "/

Very sorry to hear that OP. First, can't offer advice as DW as I'm a DH. But have suffered two bad - and extended - periods of anxiety/depression, one before marriage and one after. Last was triggered by job/money worries. Your DH needs to go to GP first and follow up. Recovery likely to take time and may be uneven. Likely will be prescribed meds. These help alleviate the anxiety, prevent downward spiral to worse and, importantly, give your DH the ability to challenge the way he thinks and feels. That is the hard bit and will probably need professional help - there are trained therapists who can help sufferers talk through their thoughts/feelings/actions. MIND is a good place to start. Private help also an option of affordable. Third element is exercise and social activity. If he does or has done exercise, he could step it up. Produces positive vibes. It's v hard for you - has been for my DW and am determined to beat it for both our and DCs sakes. Don't give up - but get him to GP and counselling. And talk about it.

Should add it will take some weeks for the meds really to start to have an effect. Going on and coming off/stopping them is pointless.

Thank you @Clueless
Always nice to hear from someone who's on the other end of it. I'm determined to not let this break us up. I've given this man 13 years of my life and he's held my hand through some of the worse parts of it. Yet he seems to think I'm going to give up on him now because of this. I'm going to speak to him about getting back onto his medication and see how that goes.
I Don't want to force him to do anything as I've read that can make it worse for him.

Have similarly felt v undeserving of DW. One feature of anxiety/depression is that you can beat yourself up for how you think/feel/act and that actually only serves to make it worse as, in your own head, it reinforces your own negative image of yourself. In other words, "I think/say these things, therefore that's how I am" so you end up behaving more like that. It's destructive. Sometimes your head is so full of stuff it feels like it's going to burst. Can make you short-tempered and irritable. Not saying that's the case with your nearly DH, but there's something in what you've posted can identify with.

Sustained meds a good starting point. Good luck!

So do you think this anxiety was directly caused by the accident? is that still going through the courts etc or all settled? Definitely go to GP - you can't go on like this is not fair on your son either. I wonder if its gone to PTSD rather than just anxiety, in which case that needs specific treatment.

I had something called EMDR which is available on the NHS in some areas (was in mine) and it basically cured me. I still have other issues but it cured the post traumatic stress. I seriously urge you and DH to go to the GP and ask for an assessment.

Short message as tired but I second the emdr suggestion, it worked wonders for some ptsd I had.

If it is PTSD, which sounds likely, it's very important that it's identified as that, rather than being treated as anxiety.

PTSD is quite commonly misdiagnosed as anxiety, and that can cause huge further problems.

I have no experience of medication for trauma, but I gather it can help some people. What's different is the talking therapy. Talking therapy intended for anxiety can make PTSD much, much worse, particularly CBT.

Do look into EMDR, if you can. Failing that, person-centred therapy might be a good one to try. All the best for dealing with your PCOS, too, OP; I'm sorry you've got all this on your plate, especially at once.

I was coming on to say EMDR is what he should try. My DP has anxiety and I know how stressful it can feel but it is not his fault and if you can support him to find treatment which is appropriate things hopefully will become lighter. EMDR is short term therapy so not too expensive compared to the benefits.