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Original poster

Amicable split possible?

13 replies

Turkeypie · 31/12/2017 08:36

Has anyone had experience of this?
Am I clutching at straws and kidding myself?
Been married 13 years with 1 child. No intimacy for years, living as best friends but feel it's gone to long now to start the physical side again. Lovely man and great dad but I long for passion and affection.
I just wonder if we would be happier apart and co-patent effectively.
Any experiences of this?

OP posts:
Battleax · 31/12/2017 08:39

If you like each other, why not?

Original poster
Turkeypie · 31/12/2017 08:46

It's hard to know if I'd be doing the right thing. Should I just put up and shut up and hope one day we might get the intimacy back or accept it's over

OP posts:
stevie69 · 31/12/2017 09:55

Yep. I was with my partner for 25 years until he traded me in for a younger, prettier accountant; he likes his accountants Shock (I've over egged that a bit for effect; the relationships had run its course if truth be told).

He's my best friend and has been since I was 16. He lives a short walk away and I go for dinner with him once/twice a week and to the footie with him every Saturday.

It works for us.

BackInTheRoom · 31/12/2017 11:27

Intimacy in long term relationships always struggle. Why does everyone think it's worth ditching a marriage because of this? It's like people are replaceable? Out with the old! Go invest in John Gottman vids, books, research because he's done studies. Google his credentials.

Original poster
Turkeypie · 31/12/2017 13:36

Thanks, I'll have a look at his stuff. The thing is the intimacy has always been a struggle and has being always an issue with me feeling he's not into me at all.

OP posts:
XmasGuilt · 31/12/2017 20:58

Wow, OP. I could’ve written your post.
In the exact same position. Never really felt my DH has been into me, or into sex.
He confesses he’s always struggled with feeling comfortable about sex. I just wish I’d not gone along with that for all these years, as I’ve sucfenly woken up with a libido and a bit more self esteem and realised I can’t stay in this for the rest of my life. BUT he’s one of my best friends and I’d love us to be able to split amicably.

Does your DH know you feel? Do you think he’d agree things aren’t right? I’ve finally got mine to agree to Relate, but we’re havjng to wait a fortnight for an appointment. He thinks it’s to make things work, but I see it as a way of us splitting amicably (fingers crossed!)

QueenNefertitty · 31/12/2017 21:04

Yes- currently sat with ExDP watching a film and drinking g&ts while our toddler sleeps on the sofa with the dog underfoot.

We were never ever this happy/ content/ settled as a "real" couple. When we split, we found we were excellent best friends and coparents. What we were incapabale of, was living together and being romantically involved.

And we've never had a "nostalgia" shag either- so reckon it's proper friendship!

Teatreedelight · 31/12/2017 21:09

Yes me. Still friends 19 years after splitting up. Both remarried, both had more children. All good. It helps not to jump straight into new relationships though.

What would he say if you told him?

Angelf1sh · 31/12/2017 21:53

A good friend of mine has done it and she’s friends with his new wife too.

Original poster
Turkeypie · 31/12/2017 22:36

Xmasguilt - your situation sounds very similar. We tried counselling 6 years ago and it worked briefly but all they suggested was talking to each other and romantic date nights. There's no passion and if I'm honest never was. Like you, I feel my sex drive has increased and I'm making more effort with my appearance and just want it to be appreciated.
I think he'd be devastated but if he's honest he'd probably agree. I can't live the next 30 years either no or crap sex.
Good to read some positive stories

OP posts:
BackInTheRoom · 01/01/2018 17:19

@Turkeypie

When you first got together, we're you both hot to trot? I mean you must have had a decent sex life to start with?

tabbywabby · 01/01/2018 20:41

My exH and I have a very amicable split and we get on well (7 years on). I get on really well with his new partner (of 6.5 years) too.

What does he think about the issues you have with your marriage? Are you talking to him about it?

Original poster
Turkeypie · 02/01/2018 08:36

When we first got together the sex was ok but not great. Naively I thought the friendship and respect he had for me was more important than great sex, well it is in some respects but I underestimated how important good sex was to me.
We've talked in the past about how we need to get back on track but it never happens and I almost feel like I don't want to now anyhow.

OP posts:
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