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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is this a case of an Emotional Affair?

6 replies

ClumsyGuy · 31/12/2017 07:32

Hi. Me [22] and my gf [22] (now ex) were together for 4 years. During the last 2 years, she met a guy through a mutual friend. Soon they became best friends and used to hang out occasionally. It was surprising that some other guy became her best friend because I should be her best friend, isn't it? I always considered her my best friend.

I didn't like it but didn't want to control her so went with that - I trusted her. Though I still used to get irritated by that sometimes - but she ALWAYS assured me that they are only friends and that she can never fall for a guy like him and that he's not her type. During the last year of our relationship, things started to go downhill (constant fights, arguments, etc) - and one day she came and told me that she is in love with that dude and that they both have ALREADY confessed about their feelings for each other over the phone (nothing physical though).

I'll admit that I was not the best boyfriend you'll see but I was not too bad either. She blamed me that the reason she fell for him is because I didn't love her enough. And then she broke up with me. I am still heartbroken. I feel sad that she didn't choose to tell me about her feelings for the other guy BEFORE confessing it to him - is it wrong to feel like that?

What she did was really cheating or I deserved that for not being a better boyfriend? Please help...

OP posts:
tuttifritti · 31/12/2017 08:19

Yes it was cheating and not respectful behaviour. She sounds very immature and you do a little too so perhaps try to dust yourself down, learn from it and question why you weren't 'the best boyfriend' and what you could do to seek out a more healthy relationship in the future.

Your partner doesn't need to be your best friend.

user1493413286 · 31/12/2017 08:40

It’s not your fault she fell for him and she shouldn’t blame you. It does sound like an emotional affair and a really crap experience for you.
I’d disagree that you should be any girlfriends best friend though as we all need close friends outside of relationships

juneharley · 02/01/2018 11:27

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hellsbellsmelons · 02/01/2018 14:56

She blamed me
All cheaters do this.
They also re-write history to make themselves feel justified for being a lying cheating scumbag.
You've had a lucky escape.
Enjoy some freedom and time being single.
You are very young and have loads of time to enjoy life and then move on.
Not that it doesn't still hurt like hell.
Keep yourself busy. Get out and about with friends, down the gym etc...

rainbowduck · 02/01/2018 19:56

Hope you are ok! Remember your worth.

Wintersnow17 · 02/01/2018 23:09

I agree totally with hellsbellsmelons mine is still changing history. They will say things and make you doubt yourself. God knows whether they've actually told other people the truth. Still hurts like hell. X good luck X

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