Counselling

[Overthehillsandfaraway8]

I have tried several different counsellors in the past but found them all very disappointing. No insights, no new perspectives. I just felt I was digging out issues, making myself feel awful and leaving . I have quite a lot of insight anyway and wondered what I was paying for! One was unbelievably unprofessional . I am now wondering if I should try again. So many people find it helpful, why isn’t it working for me?
I would like to hear other people’s experiences.

Bump!

My first set of counselling was awful.very much how you described it

My second was fantastic, very driven towards not being in counselling forever. It was Very much about picking stuff from the past up looking at it deciding whether it should have any weight in my life and giving myself permission to let it go if it didn't. Future was about examining whether I could or couldn't change stuff, if I could whether I wanted to or not and if not why not then either accepting stuff as it was or not. Generally there was a strand running through the seemingly unconnected incidents I was talking about, the counselor was very good at pulling it out in such a way that meant I could do much better it myself by the end. The goal of counselling was to be able to do that self examination followed by change or letting it go myself. It was fantastic.

A gifted counsellor really can make an extraordinary difference

I should say I really didn't want to go to the second lot of counselling but as far as i was concerned i had little choice. I simply couldnt stay as depressed or emotionally exhausted might be a better description, as i was, the counsellor was actually very concerned. .For me it was last resort before I went to the GP for medication, and there were times when both the counsellor at me were thinking that maybe it was a better route. I wanted to exhaust all other avenues first.

You might find it useful to have some CBT: it aims to "correct" unhelpful patterns of thought, without necessarily digging up past traumas or worries. It can be very effective very quickly if you have a good therapist and put plenty of effort into it.

If it suits you, it could give you a jump-start, and might be enough on its own.

If you look in the BACP website there is a list of professional counsellors who have voluntarily registered - meaning they are qualified, safe and subject to a mandatory code of conduct and standards.

All the counsellors I saw were registered, but all were pretty much useless. I just don't understand why I can't find someone who actually helps me unpick stuff/see a different perspective etc. It's just me talking, them making fairly obvious observations, me leaving feeling shit. I need to keep trying though.

When I wanted counselling, I made appointments with 3 different ones, and sort of interviewed them. One was a strong, older woman, and very goal-oriented; and at the same time seemed to understand what I was dealing with. I chose her over the other two who were too passive for my taste, and it worked out really well!! Do expect to have to put in some "homework" time as well as your sessions, as that makes a big difference too. Good luck!!

How many counsellors have you seen? And how long did you see each for? There is no quick fix, and a lot of the early sessions with a new counsellor will be just you talking. They need to really get to know you before they can help you unpick. And unfortunately, feeling like shite afterwards can be an effect at the beginning. You're dredging up stuff that you normally try to avoid. You need to persevere with a long term view. Chopping and changing and wanting a quick fix where they tell you what to do to feel better is not realistic. They facilitate you in making changes, they don't tell you what those changes should be.

I've realised my previous post may come across as condescending and apologise. Sorry.

Google EFT, especially Carol Look site, and see if that technique may be helpful. Works for many, obviously not all.

Just to be clear, I have actually done the Foundation course as a counsellor a couple of years ago, so I know what counselling ought to be. I am also trained in EFT and a number of other therapies. As a therapist myself, i am quite shocked at how bad some therapists are. I had one who flew into a temper because I paid her by cheque at the end of the session and I was accused of 'using her time' whilst i wrote the cheque. My son was seeing a counsellor who failed to turn up twice without letting him know and then gave some lame excuse about not feeling well'. I could go on. I know it's necessary to give them time , but after several months where they say nothing much that is helpful it's a waste of money. I do wonder if it's me, but perhaps counselling isn't what i need.

Some counsellors, like some doctors, teachers etc, are just not very good. The problem is that it costs a lot of money and time to find a good one. I have had quite a lot of counselling - some good and some terrible. I don't have any answers except maybe see if you can find a good one by word of mouth?

I had group psychotherapy once for a year which was quite good as even though the therapist was a dick at times, the other people were offering other perspectives and opinions.