Happiest I've ever been so why.....

[Ratinthehat]

...do I sometimes consider going back to my emotionally abusive ex?

Just that really we split up in June when I finally got the strength to get him to leave. Some of you may remember me he never washed and wouldn't let the children even sit on the sofa as he was always lying on it doing nothing. He pressured me for sex and just made me feel like a servant to his needs. He was fiercely jealous of me with the children and tried to keep us apart at all time.

Since leaving I've had comments of how happy I seem and how much better the children are he sees them every other week and still won't accept things are over. I can't stand to be around him (he tries to hug me at every opportunity). So why is it sometimes I wonder if I made a mistake. Is it normal to feel this way?

Because we crave what is familiar to us. Even if it’s horrible part of our brain still likes it because it’s familiar, comforting, just feels right. It takes a long time for that feeling to go (and does pop back occasionally) but you will get used to being happy and one day it will feel comfortable for you

Look up Intermittent reinforcement in abusive relationships and/or Trauma Bonding. Abusive relationships are highly addictive and have to be treated as such. This is why No Contact and cold turkey are the only way forwards. Best of luck OP.

Because we crave what is familiar to us. Even if it’s horrible part of our brain still likes it because it’s familiar, comforting, just feels right. It takes a long time for that feeling to go (and does pop back occasionally) but you will get used to being happy and one day it will feel comfortable for you 

Just wanted to say that this is really helpful to me, and will resonate for a while. Thank you

Thank you everyone. I thought I was going crazy but I guess after 10years of it and even though he has made my skin crawl for the last few of them it has been my normal for a long time. It is very hard to go no contact when there are children are involved and he plays on my people pleasing side and my hatred of confrontation.

I'm getting better at standing my ground and I'm finding life much easier without him (except for having no money at all) things are just so much happier. I actually cried on Christmas morning because it was the first year that the children had been excited about it and enjoyed Christmas day. I couldn't give them much but we spent time together and played games and even got to go and see my family without being made to feel bad. Something that he would never have let us do before. God I'm welling up again.

I guess I will have my moments when they are all fighting and the rose tinted glasses come out about the past. Just need to remind myself they were much worse back then and I was at the point of being suicidal.

I just need to look at the children to remind myself why I got free from it my middle son who used to throw awful tantrums and have no confidence is really blossoming as are the others. It's amazing to see and makes me wonder why I didn't do it sooner.