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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling 3 months post EA.

3 replies

Bethankful · 30/12/2017 19:40

So not to drip feed. 3 months ago I found out about the husband phoning and texting an ex girlfriend for a short period of time behind my back. I only found out when I came across the number and rang it in front of him after him blatantly lying to my face it was his male friend. As far as I'm aware they didn't meet. I asked to separate and then started going to relate. We got back together.

Although we are both trying, I feel like I'm walking around in a bubble of anger. I feel at any point I want to end the relationship because I can't move past the deceit. My emotions swing massively from loving him to hating him and that as long as we are together I have to live with the fact that he was interested in someone else and put her before his wife/family. I often wonder what else he has been up to in the last ten years that I don't know about.

I feel like I'm a good mum and wife. I have a good job and feel like a half decent person. So why risk our family for an ego boost?

I don't know what I'm asking really. Just ranting I suppose. I'm Just wondering if anyone else has been through anything similar.

OP posts:
GoddessInTraining · 30/12/2017 21:27

I have, unfortunately. It’s only been 3 months, can take a long time to deal with and move past betrayal.
Are you both still in counselling?

yetmorecrap · 30/12/2017 23:25

Totally understand you OP. It's 13 months since I found a load of poems/song lyrics written and recorded about someone else (although it was 11 years ago) I knew this person well and my husband had shared rooms too on tour . Was told it was a crush that went too far on his side and she knew nothing. I haven't left, but I do still feel very angry sadly that he played Russian roulette for what I think was an ego buzz for a few years and made an idiot of me (I was the cool wife) I have had counselling and at the end of the day he didn't leave at the time etc, but you are cotreat, once trust is broken it's very hard

Olikingcharles · 01/01/2018 01:40

I will give you a different perspective from perhaps your husbands I guess I did something along the same lines a him. Was my first love who reconnected with me after nearly 30 years. It's been a nightmare for both my long term partner and myself he has left which I can't blame him. He deserved so much better he's a brilliant man and had always been so. We were going through a rough patch at the time due to a long term potential life ending illness with me. We had lost ourselves in the fight for survival and I no long felt desired or wanted by him. I can't really explain why I let the Om into my heart. I am gripped with guilt over all the hurt of given my partner. If I could turn back the clock and trust my I gut in the first place and send the Om packing I would. If you can find it somewhere in you to forgive and move on move past this and save your marriage please do. Particularly if your husband is truly sorry and prepared to do the work needed. Sadly for me I don't think that's possible the deceit and lies have been to much for my former partner which I fully understand. I made a stupid decision which has destroyed everything I had.

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