I’ve been dating someone I think a lot of for seven months, he was very keen at the start but has never made time for me or involved me in his life. Things have been very ambivalent and I’ve never felt as if I could call him a boyfriend.
He has been single for eight years after a short marriage and is happy in his life with work, kids,, hobbies/friends. He wants to see me but says I need to accept he can’t give me anything I need. On talking further this is because he is choosing to not make me a part of his life rather than genuinely not being able to make this happen. He talks about holding me back from meeting someone who wants the same as me and I think would be happy to go back to us being friends to keep me around.
I feel torn. I’ve been seeing him just as before but without the pretence that it is going somewhere but I’m finding it a challenge leaving after sleeping together knowing that I don’t know when I will next see him. I know I’m incapable of being friends only as my feelings are too strong. I don’t want to walk away but know it is the right thing to do to stop myself being in this situation in a years time. How do you make yourself accept someone you care for is bad for you and force yourself to walk away? I had a lot of loss in childhood due to growing up in the care system and saying goodbye is a real trigger for me despite counselling.