We aren't married but have a lovely 3 year old boy and a mortgage together. I don't want to marry her, but did want to some years ago - now I am pleased that we never did.
I wanted to leave her before she told me she was pregnant but stayed and the relationship got better for a bit. After our son was born we employed a live in nanny when our son was between 6-12 months, then her 17 year old brother moved in from Latvia to go to school in the UK. After the nanny left her father and step mom moved in to help with childcare which is pretty expensive in London. We moved progressively from our 2 bed flat in central London to a 4 bedroom house in North London to a 5 bedroom house in Kent with a 1.5 hour commute.
Our son started at nursery over a year ago. About a year ago she and I had a blazing row, and her father and Step mom returned to Latvia. For about a month after this we slept in separate rooms and I planned to leave when I was financially able to then eventually she tempted me back to bed.
We used to have big rows and the police came round once when she lied and told them I attacked her.
I just find it easier to give in to her sometimes but it is a complicated relationship. My brother told me he would have long ago.
She is a very good mother and looks after my son extremely well. He is happy and well loved. Though I feel taken advantage of in terms of my goodwill and easy going nature to the point where as the main breadwinner I also do most of the household chores whilst her feckless 18 year old brother (a college student) does nothing and pays no rent
I have wanted to leave for several years but really love to see my son and would miss him. I don't have big rows with her any more - I suspect we don't care enough. Our sex life died after our son was born (having a nanny, her parents and her brother in the house at different points hasn't helped).
I keep putting mental obstacles in the way of leaving. About a year ago we had all the windows replaced in the house, which all need to plastered around now and then repainted - the house is not as easy to sell today as when we bought it. It also needs the roof repairing. I don't want to leave before those things are done, she cant afford the mortgage alone (at least not without a guarantor and a contribution from her parents towards her brother living in the house). I know it would cost me 15% of my net income in child support and about £700 a month in school fees which is affordable. She took out a loan for home improvements and a car which I think she should pay for if I let her have the car and equity in the house after we split.
I would really miss my son and am unsure if I would be making a massive mistake if I left and one that could never be repaired. She is good in so many ways but I just don't want to be with her anymore and cant see a future with her. It is not an easy thing to do to potentially create a lot of unhappiness for my son instead of coasting along in this relationship. I don't know what to do? Is this just normal in a relationship?