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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Reversing from the drama for the New Year

3 replies

lolaflores · 30/12/2017 09:47

I have two people in my life who's lives are filled with drama and crisis. Over the Xmas, Friend 1, who I have known for 19 years, has drawn on me so much that I have had Xmas eve spent on the phone with his kids, Xmas day on the phone to him as he picks his way through another situation involving his ex wife and her rackety lifestyle and at the end of it all, he did precisely nothing despite there being a very real risk to his children.

The other person, who I have know for 10 years, has become really quite strange and dark. Not even a bit eccentric or different, but doing things that I find are disturbing now and I would rather not be around anymore.

With Friend 1, I have been delicately drawing back and I have a sneaking suspicion he was aware of this and is becoming even more needy and theatrical.

I am begining to feel resentful towards them both, as though I am an accessory in their dramas both onstage and as an observer. In my mind they are unaware of the toll they take or are so self absorbed don't understand that other people's lives do not orbit round theirs 24/7

currently I am dealing with mental health issues and despite knowing this, neither of them seem to want to ease up on their emotional whirl winds. My husband has even contact Friend 1 and suggested that they speak to off load some of the demand, unsurprisingly he has not taken up the offer.

That all said, do I have to be really blunt with them or simply fade away? I don't want to say something in anger and hurt their feelings and make myself feel like crap but the boundaries need to be redrawn. Friend 1 in particular makes me feel a bit hounded.

OP posts:
lolaflores · 30/12/2017 09:55

Oh dear. He is already messaging me and the litany of misery is streaming out. A bit of a red mist is coming down and I don't want to turn on him but right now...

OP posts:
RandomWordsandaNumber5 · 30/12/2017 10:41

Can you make yourself a little less available? Screen your calls, find yourself too busy to reply to messages immediately, forget to take your phone out with you etc etc
Might give you a bit of breathing space to decide how you want to deal with this in the longer term.

lolaflores · 30/12/2017 10:49

RandomWordsandaNumber5, it seems the best way forwards. I don't have the guts to really tell him what I think but I doubt he would understand anyway.
19 years is a long time for a friendship and I am so sad its turned out this way but he never used to be like this. Or he was and has just got worse or I can't deal with him anymore

OP posts:
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