What can I do about grumpy DH?

[PrincessPlod]

We've been married 5 yrs but together 8yrs. We live in a 3 bed house and have kids 5 yrs and 6 months. He also has 15yr and 11yr who visit school holidays as they don't want to visit other times as they live 100 miles from us so are away from friends.

DH has a lot of regrets about wasting his younger years in a loveless marriage, not traveling and missing opportunities in his career but only has himself to blame really and can't seem to past this.

He is moody 80% of the time, he works shifts but I do insure the kids are out of the house if he needs to sleep during the day. DH always complains he is tired, the kids are noisy when he awake trying to watch tv and if I have to go out say to a medical appointment and ask him to have the kids I get eye rolling and more moodiness. I then spend the whole time worrying he is shouting at the kids.

Yesterday 5yr said 'I don't like daddy looking after me as he is always grumpy and he shouts at the baby' I felt heartbroken. I know this is only going to get worse with his older kids visiting as he starts the rant about the house being to small, being a mess (kids playing with toys) plus he has an obsession with trying to present a perfect family to them so they can feed this back to his ex.

DH is very much on page 'I can't be arsed as I've worked today/going to work/worked yesterday' so I do everything. I plan days out ask him to come and he moans saying 'sounds crap' or 'how is that a holiday? We have children with us'

My family have noticed his behaviour and my grandma said to me this week 'it's not a question if you break up more like when'.

Is there anything you can suggest to sort this out? By his own admission he wishes he wasn't a parent and does get angry for no reason.

Ex and DH would argue then she would throw him out, he would beg for forgiveness then all would be ok for 6 months. The cycle would then start again. I knew him from work and have witnessed her outbursts as have friends.

I think her outbursts were justified - she must have been soooooo frustrated - he is a moody, lazy, useless, shit - always has been always will be. The fact that he is desperate to paint a ficticious picture of a wonderful family life to your SC to report back to his ex tells your everything - ie he he fucked up 1st time - he knows it - but wants to blame the 1st wife.

It is CHILD ABUSE that he shouts at the baby and that your sweet 5 year old witnesses this - they will both be traumatised by this. Get rid before he does any more damage. He has form, leopards new change their spots. Have a chat with his ex if your want to see what happens next.

What sort of MONSTER shouts at a 6 month old baby?

My husband left today and reading this has made me realise I have done the right thing. How long can you go with someone who is hoovering yours and your children's mood. I wish you well.

Twiggy strength to to you and your family over the next few weeks.

I feel so sad reading this. This is not a healthy relationship, the cracks are showing and when other people who know you are commenting then it’s a red flag. This hasn’t just happened he’s been like this for a while. He doesn’t see he has a problem. What a waste of space. You need to do what’s right for you and the kids, this is not going to end well. But your kids should come first, this is not how children should be treated, they and you deserve better. They should be cherished not shouted at for being kids. New Years resolution required, there is no helping someone who believes they are not the problem. How bad are you going to let things get before you remove your kids from this bully.

Grant his wish for the New Year he wants the single life he can have it, this is probably what happened in relationship number 1, he has a pattern. It’s everyone else not him.

Thanks x

What a fool - if he hated family life why go and create a second family

If he doesn't want to be a parent then why in gods' name has he had FOUR children?!

What sort of MONSTER shouts at a 6 month old baby?

Actually I have. I had severe PND and PTSD at the time and I was surviving on 30 minutes' sleep a night.

However I was very ashamed of myself and it never happened again.

He should aim for an ordinary 9-5 job; working at odd hours takes its toll from what I understand.

DH has a lot of regrets about wasting his younger years

Not really, eh? He's doing ^^ again so he doesn't really have regrets does he. Repeating patterns.

Yes I would agree if you didn't like parenting 1st time why do it again. I can only assume he thought it would be different because wife was different.

Regrets is from his 20s not travelling and basically getting married at 23 unlike me who got married at 32 and crammed in partying etc where as he didn't.