Can we/ should we get back together?

[Natalies85]

Hello, I have posted a couple of times over the last few days. My husband left the day after boxing day with our 2.5 y/o daughter. I've been struggling with anxiety and depression on and off since she was born and things had become too much for us all. For the short term (1-2 weeks) my husband is staying with his mum and our daughter because he thinks this is best for my anxiety (she is potty training which is triggering anxiety in me). I had initially thought they would return to the house after this period but yesterday he explained that he thinks its best if he looks to buy another house and we separate for 6-12 months sharing custody of our daughter. He says he still wants us to be together and happy in the future. Is this possible with such a long separation? Hoping somebody has experience of a similar situation? I want to have a happy family and I acknowledge that I need to get some intense professional help for my anxiety. But at the same time I struggle to see why it is best for the three of us to live in limbo for several months - part of me thinks we should just bite the bullet and get divorced so we can all start our lives again?

I would see your gp about uping dose (unless you have been on a higher fise and not tolerated it) and get rereferred for cbt/therapy.
Seeing a different therapist or just being in a slightly different head space can make such a difference to treatment outcomes.

How is your relationship with MIL. Could you all stay there for a while or you stay too for a few nights? Would you find that supportive?

Thanks foodylicious, I really like my mother-in-law but she does stress me out a bit (unintentionally) so I think that could be unhelpful.

Be very careful re: your dd..

I think the problem some posters are hinting at is if the father establishes established himself as the primary carer for the child.

Thanks underthebluemoon, I understand that and I appreciate everyone's advice. At the same time, irrespective of the circumstances between the two of us I believe that both myself and my husband have her best interests at heart. There are other mitigating factors on my side - I work part time to care for my daughter (which is solid, long term evidence of primary care) and have documentary evidence from bank statements that my husband is financially irresponsible and less capable of securing her material needs

I would not rush into any remortgage or rearrangement of finances as that can only work to his benefit longer term and you could find he changes his mind again once he has the funds. You are currently vulnerable and do not need the additional worry, which he should appreciate if he has any intention of reconciling. Anyway it would take almost 6 months to buy another property. Who looks after dd while you work?

Hi LizS - at present my daughter spends Mondays with me, Tues/ Weds at local nursery and thurs/ fri with mil