Need help, not sure what

[wornoutdad]

I don't know where to start.

I'm married with 3 children (4, 7, 9). About 3 years ago DP had a bit of a breakdown at our then nursery. He behaviour got us briefly banned from the nursery.

Since then our relationship has collapsed slowly and painfully. Starting with no intimate contact, then no kissing, no hand holding, moving on to more or less no talking at all.

DP does not contribute to life in our house. I do majority of childcare, all cleaning, tidying, all cooking when I'm around. I'm also the main earner. Only when I travel with work does DP look after the kids.

I've asked for relationship counselling many times at she doesn't want to do it.

She's been going out nearly every night in recent months, often doesn't respond to phone calls or text messages. DP recently announced she is moving out and is happy for me to have kids most of the time.

I have mixed feelings about this. On the one hand, our relationship is a disaster and won't fix itself by magic so maybe ending things is for the best. On the other, it is sad our relationship is ending and I'm terrified of the impact to the kids, her relationship with them and me.

I'm definitely no angel, so not all bad is on DPs side though I feel like I've been living like a single parent for the last 12 months.

I have lost contact with nearly all friends over the last 5 years and don't know who I can talk to, or what to do next.

I'm very stressed out and not sleeping at all well.

Sorry, this is all a bit rambling and there is a lot of detail not written. I think I just needed someone to 'talk to'.

nothing to advise, just sending you a hug xx

Thanks. That made me cry a little in a nice way. Think I need professional support from somewhere.

You couldn’t continue how you were living, your reaction will be a mixture of relief and sadness. You will be ok, you and the DC. Its not going to be easy, but it will be ok.

Your DP does not get to check out of being a Mum though. Be strong.

Change is often scary even when it's inevitable and for the best. Try to find some local support maybe parents at school? Do your family know the situation? Certainly worth getting counselling for yourself to find the best way forward. Hope you feel better soon

I'm not very close to many people at all these days. I've discussed briefly with my father, but he is quite elderly and not close. I struggle to open up with him, I think in part in case I break down completely. I don't know. My heads in a bad place.

I've not helped myself by watching some videos with my kids of when they were young. 9 year old said "this was when mummy was happy". It was nice remembering much happier times. Sadly my 4 year old can't recall any such times.

Anyone got good counselling suggestions? I do feel a mess.

Anyway kids now up. They'll keep me fully occupied until they go to bed. They're lovely children and I'll get plenty of cuddles at least.

Thanks all for your supportive words.

Just wondering, if your DP has seen her GP? You said she had a breakdown and your eldest has mentioned mummy isnt happy... how old is she? Could she be suffering severe depression? The first few months of my menopause journey were horrendous, I felt like I was literally going crazy but given you mentioned nursery - undiagnosed PND? There must be a reason she has simply checked out.

She had PND after each birth in my view, her friends view and that of her midwife. Unfortunately she refused to get any support or help. I tried for a long time to encourage and support her seeking help. Same when she had a bit of a breakdown a few years ago but she resented me for suggesting there was any problem.

It's very sad seeing someone go through this and drifting away from their own young children.

I don't know what to do.