DH's sleeping habits

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DH is a night owl, but is not helping himself sleep at all. He spends a lot of the day exhausted, lacking energy and motivation, eats badly to give him energy and can not get up in the morning without leaving the house a chaotic stressed out whirlwind.
My problem is that he is choosing this... he doesn't spring to life in the evening, he's often struggling to ķeep his eyes open on the sofa but still refuses to go to bed at a reasonable time.
I'm now becoming frustrated about the impact it's having on me as I'm pregnant and exhausted much of the time. I'm also still experiencing unpleasant symptoms late on in pregnancy such as nausea etc. DS is waking during the night with night terrors and DH is in such a deep sleep that by the time I've woken him to go and tend to him so that I can sleep, I'm wide awake myself and can't get back to sleep.
DH says he will go in to DS so that I can sleep but he's so out of it that he doesn't wake up.

Also, it's not that he can't go to sleep at a reasonable time, he's choosing not to. On the occasions he comes to bed at the same time as me (out of me nagging him) he's asleep within seconds. He just seems to have this deep seated belief that if he goes to sleep, he's missing out on something!
I'm worried that by the time DC2 comes along he's still not going to be waking for DS during the night easily. I've asked and pleaded with him to protect his sleep so that he can protect mine as I really, really need my sleep and he says all will be well once DC2 is born, but I'm not convinced. DS will need a well rested parent, as I'll be up doing the night feeds with the new baby, but I'm already envisioning lots of arguments and me being more stressed out about sleep than is necessary!
What can I do?

I've got one like this, stems from his childhood issues. So far I've not managed to help him change habits much ALTHOUGH he really does recognise he needs to, just doesn't. It is selfish behaviour at times, but after spending ages stressing about it I've stopped, because the stressing was causing me damage. I'm a lark, so take myself off to bed really early to get up happily about 5.30. That way I can look after myself and DC.

As he is sporty and training for some big events this year, he will need to get up early to use this as training time, so I'm hoping that this will be the motivation to change behaviour.

I don't think you can change a fundamental ingrained habit like this easily. But maybe there will be something that makes him want to change himself - this will be much more effective that someone else telling him I reckon.

Good luck

Not much help but this is all the men I know in my life from my dp, to df and db.
It’s like their still teenagers and refuse to go to bed an wanna hang out aslong as they can.:-(
On a side note could dh be suffering with sleep apnea? Google and check.

My DP does this too. He normally goes to bed at 3am. Then obviously struggles to wake up in a morning. He always does manage to get up eventually though and he’s never late for work or taking DS to school if I’m working. I do worry he’s going to crash and burn he’s worked lots of hours over Christmas too. I don’t know how he does it but again his dad and brothers are the same. So sorry no advice but you aren’t alone

Has he been checked for any illness ? My DH behaves in a similar way but is diagnosed with narcolepsy and needs medication to stay awake.

No checks for illness and none suspected either. I empathise with the 'teenager' comparison! I work in MH with children and often find their sleep patterns are horrendous. I help them put together sleep plans and we look at ways to relax in the evenings... therefore DH's reluctance to go to bed at night comes across quite immature and a little bit pathetic considering he's a grown adult. If he genuinely could not sleep due to insomnia etc, he would have my full support and sympathy but this seems to just stem from a childhood fear of going to bed at a reasonable time!
I would love us to get into an early night/eqrly morning routine but find myself staying up at times just to spend some time with him as I so regularly have to go to bed alone.

I bought my DH the 'Why we Sleep' book for xmas. Going to bed earlier helps fend off alzheimers and obesity among other things apparently. He's engrossed! Might yours be susceptible to a bit of science?

God I have one of these.

On the upside when we've had newborns he has always done the 9pm-1am shift to let me have some kip (this was on a work night for him). He does night time waking and illness as well.

He is always up for work and I do get my share of lay-ins / rest time.

I'm used to it now. We still spend time together and are intimate but he always stays up later than me. He never moans about being tired as he just gets 'the look'

Mine is much more annoying than yours!

he comes & lies on the bed just before I go to bed at half eleven or so, leaving everything on downstairs & gets annoyed if I try to turn it all off & keeping his bedside light on

Once I'm asleep, he springs bouncily off the bed around 1am & goes downstairs to watch TV / videos / porn probably leaving the bedside light on, & then comes crashing back in between 5&6am, waking me up. I don't get back to sleep properly then, & get up at half six for work.

Totally unreasonable, but he won't have it I'm leaving him soon - shh

That's dreadful! I'd have to have seperate rooms! What time does he have to get up? Does he spend the day in bed if he's awake all night?

My sympathies , but he's not really a night owl if he can't do any night shifts with the kids and is in such a deep sleep at night so can't help you with your ds. He just seems all round lazy and that must be very frustrating for you . Does he drink lots of caffeine in the evening ? Is he interested in joining a gym so he can get a good workout and get to bed earlier ?

He gets up after I've gone to work, around half eight probably - I'm never there to see it. He's never needed much sleep.

The other room I could use is directly above where he watches television, so can be noisy. Also when I've tried it, he blunders in to see whether I'm awake.

Total arse hoping for separate houses soon

He's in a deep sleep and doesn't hear DS - wake him up and kick him out to deal with DS, every single time from now on. Do it.

My DH is the same and I've wanted to murder him when DS was tiny and I was on my knees sleep deprived. It turned out DH wanted some time to himself in the evening which is fair enough - on most week nights we sit in separate rooms and do our hobbies. Not what I wanted in my marriage but hey ho.

The one thing I've noticed that makes it worse is if DH is gaming as his choice of hobby for the evening - time disappears and he doesn't pay attention to the clock whatsoever. I've come down and found him asleep on the sofa with the controller in his hand at 3am. Woke him with a bollocking in a low growl every single time. It boils my piss that he can be that irresponsible.

Anyway please stop covering for him - kick him out of bed to deal with his own child when it's his turn. Sympathies and strength!

DH has a gaming addiction but won't acknowledge it. He is always tired and never has the energy to do anything with the kids. I have been asking him for months to tone it down. Before the playstation, it was the pool game on his phone.
I was going to leave him a few months ago and I even posted about it. I never had the courage to do so. Now he is leaving me because I nag, I'm always unhappy and we can't get along. I'm heartbroken and have no energy to do anything. He told me on Tuesday and I've been a mess since then.
OP, don't let this happen to you. You'll grow resentful and it'll eventually end your relationship. If your DH is a reasonable man, he'll listen when you tell him this can't continue. Mine didn't and only looked for excuses.

What I forgot to add is that this gaming addiction keeps him up until 2-3am, sometimes even longer. But the mug is there to look after DC and the house whilst he sleeps until midday or longer.

I used to be (a bit) like that before I had kids - then I had to retrain myself to fall asleep early, which was made easier by the fact that I was absolutely shattered from breastfeeding...

Does he pull his weight generally? I think it's more about whether he can be an adult and self-regulate his sleep when he has to - but then again it sounds like he should be doing that already.

Nothing much to add except to sympathise with you. My DH is the same and hasn't changed in almost 20 years of being together.
Only thing is now he does manage to get himself up for work. Whereas in the past we would argue everyday about him not waking for his alarm.
He quite often falls asleep on the sofa and just stays there now. Really irritating 😡

No gaming addiction here (thankfully!) I really empathise with the partners of those who do! More of a box set/netflix addiction I would say! To the poster who asked about caffeine... yes! He drinks coffee in the evening and tells me it has absolutely no impact of his ability to get to sleep! 😬😤😣 There's just not telling him!