Who’s advice do I actually need? Legal? Financial? Citizens advice?

[NeedToGetMyShitTogether]

I posted before Christmas about my husbands impossible personality. Well, of course, he ruined Christmas, again, and I swear he won’t do it to us again next year. I need a plan to get out.

I need some advice, but I’m not sure who from.

I could potentially walk away with a lump sum from the equity in our house. Not immediately of course, but when all of the finances etc are settled. That’s assuming I got half - I imagine I would.

That’s nice, but about half what I’d need to buy myself a new place for me and the kids.

I have no real income (SAHM) although I know this would need to change. But even if I did get a job, to fit around two young children, School and Nursery (husband is away mon-fri) it would end up being a part time, low paid job and I don’t know how much help I’d be entitled to, and whether I can make ends meet to pay regular bills let alone a mortgage for the remaining sum I’d need to borrow to buy a house.

I could rent. But my money from the settlement wouldn’t last forever, and I feel like it is a waste of that lump sum, something I’ll never have again, in terms of a chunk towards eventually buying my own place.

With a lump sum in the bank i dont think I’d qualify for any sort of help with housing costs anyway.

I can’t work all of this out in my head. I need someone to write down my options for me in black and white.

Who do I need to see for this sort of advice?

It doesn’t seem like a financial adviser because I don’t actually have any money, it’s all speculative, and would they know about what I could be entitled to, help wise etc?

Is it a solicitor? Or is that more about what I would be entitled to in a divorce, rather than what steps to take next?

Is it CAB?

I don’t know where to start, but without getting the right information from the right place I feel like I can’t start the process of leaving.

First things first: Don’t waste money on advice just yet. Get The Which Guide to Divirce (available from amazon), have a good read as it covers all basic advice you need and once you have more specific questions, make a half an hour free appointment with a solicitor and concentrate on asking the questions that are specific and unique to your case.

Best piece of advice I got was keeping in mind that at then £3 per minute (back then), my solicitor was not a shoulder to cry on and that I didn’t need to convince her I was right and he was wrong, she was there to fight my corner regardless, needed no convincing but facts and data she could use to fight for me.

You will get a lot of people telling you that you have more rights to the house, spousal maintenance, staying in the house until children leave secondary education but this is not necessarily true as every case is different. The only thing I can say is that the court will try to leave both of you in an equal footing but putting emphasis in protecting the interests of the children.

Money is going to be tight, but it is possible. I split up with a toddler and a newborn and I would urge you to think about childcare in the first place. It has been even harder than financials for me as I dont have family around.

As a single mom now for 2.5 years, here are my two cents:

• Talk with the bank to see if you qualify for a mortgage. Even with a downpayment available you usually need to prove income to get a mortgage.
• Gather all the financial information from your STBXH. That is not only income but assets (house, RRSP, etc) and debt (credit card, mortgage).
• Usually, an equalization payment is calculated as the difference between assets - debts at time of marriage and the date of separation. You should both leave the marriage "equal".
• Calculate how much child support you would get: www.gov.uk/calculate-your-child-maintenance
• Make a budget to know what your monthly expenses will be post split.
• In your situation, as SAHM, you would be entitled for spousal support for at least some time to get back on your feet. In Canada, you can get these as a lump sum that may help even more with that downpayment.
• I am not in the UK, but I have heard of a mesher order. If you have little kids you may be able to stay in the house and that can be of some help sometimes.
• Dont underestimate the cost of lawyers in the process if it is not very amicable, budget for it.
• CAS for benefits

And always always have an emergency fund.

I would see a solicitor. I had an hour and a half appointment which cost me a fortune but gave me all the basics. Everyone's circumstances are different so you can't go by what others say or have experienced.

Btw spousal support is only awarded in 10-15% of cases. A clean break is preferred. Also mesher orders are rarer these days. I wasn't entitled to one and I had two small children and had to sell the house. It also depends on what your exh wants and how generous/difficult he will be in divorce.

I had a lump sum from the house sale and agree with you that it is wasted in rent.

You can start doing research re house prices, jobs in your area and benefits using the online benefit calculator.

Like a pp, I have also found it difficult to work as a single parent because of childcare, especially as my dc are in different schools with different times so be realistic about what you can earn.