How to move on and be me again? I’m so tired of it all - help!

[NellMangel]

My ex and I were together 10 years. We have a child together.

last year I discovered he cheated, I had to start over with new house etc. He proposed to her within weeks of us separating.

Last year and this year were a rollercoaster of emotions. I would think i was over it and strong, then suddenly i’d be a sobbing mess. I’ve aged 5 years in past 12 months. I’m exhausted from being a single parent with very little support.

Their wedding took place recently and its really knocked me. I have no joy for anything. I feel sorry for my little boy, I must have been the least fun mother over the past few months.

I cant stand how relentless this all is. I thought i was ok, but I’m not. I’m alone and face years of seeing them every fortnight and having my face rubbed in it all. I’m starting to really hate my life.

I think what’s triggered the latest is having facebook pop up suggesting the OW as a friend, her profile pic is her wedding photo, with him, and lots of people I used to know cheering them on. I felt sick to my stomach.

I hate how I’ve acted over the past year. every fortnight I’ve psyched myself up for seeing him, going through arguments and accusations, then when he’s here i’ve been nice/civil to him. He thinks i’m his friend ffs. It’s exhausting. I need to change it but don’t know how, my friends say just do handover on the doorstep but I cant seem to do it. I’ve been a total mug, he was trying it on with me all year, even 6 weeks before his wedding he was trying to kiss me. God I hate him.

How do i move on????

Just be thankful this utter cunt is no longer properly in your life.
You can be the truly happy one, maybe not right now. But at some point you will find someone who deserves you
Just work on yourself.
It's trite I know. But Jesus, he tried it on with you and married her. He is an utter wanker

Thanks worried I think part of the problem is the fact that he IS a cunt and I want everyone to know, including her. I think constantly about whether I should tell her. I even recorded him saying this shit so it’s not just my word vs his.

The problem is we had lots of back and forth drama last year and it really affected my health. I would get an adrenaline rush every time phone beeped in case it was more arguing etc. That part of me want to step away from the drama.

I’ve been looking at contact centres to see if I could get away with just not seeing him - but that feels a bit shit for my son, I’d rather he thought we could get along.

Yeah I don't think a contact centre will work
All I can say is, hold your head up high and know you are the better person

I actually feel sorry for her, he's probably spin her a line, you're probably the nightmare ex

I wouldn't wish him on my worst enemy

Telling her will do nothing, I think you know this deep down. We could all get revenge, but it doesn't really work.

Get rid of Facebook for a bit. Doorstep handovers or he collects your son from school if possible. Start rebuilding yourself x

If I was in your situation I'd come off all social media while you're mending, don't let yourself get upset over it, and have bare minimum contact with him regarding contact with your child. I got my heart well and truly broken a 7 years ago by a man who I loved so much... 8 weeks later he was engaged to another woman and it floored me.. but he was still a prize prick and it went spectacularly wrong with her in the end..it was so hard for me but I deleted and had NO contact and moved on. He'd find ways to contact me tho telling me how unhappy he was etc but I never wavered and told him where to go as he'd hurt me too much and just wanted me there as a plan b. As far as I was concerned he'd made his bed so he could lie in it. Time is a funny thing and you can only take one day at a time. He won't change. I doubt him and her will last. In my case my ex is still the same, he's now single and has gone from relationship to relationship whereas I'm with his much younger mate 👍🏻 funny how things work out. I'd say you had a lucky mistake. May not seem like it at the minute but keep your chin up x

Here's how I stayed sane:

Stay off Facebook for a while;
Doorstep handovers only, no chatting except to say bye to DC;
One mobile phone for Ex to use in emergencies only, and another mobile to use for my actual life - completely ignore all non-emergency messages;
Delete folder for emails;
CSA (CMS) for child support;
Limited though polite contact with his parents.

When he breached the above reasonable conditions, and was threatening, I called the police (who were very good). Handovers changed to DC walking to his car parked a few doors down, as he wasn't allowed on my doorstep. He was warned by the police about his phone usage, and he stopped.

My Ex is another one who serially takes up with and then cheats on / leaves women. The DC think he's ... troubled. I really doubt they'll be dressing up for any more weddings.

I think, be relieved he's out of your life, and put your focus on practical ways of detaching.

Thanks everyone, good advice. I intend to stick to the doorstep handovers and try to stop obsessing over revenge that I'll never take.

Is there anyone else who could be at your house and do the doorstep handovers as you find it difficult? How old is DS?

Could you do the drop offs and just do at doorstep or drop off somewhere neutral?

Things change - if he isn't already old enough, soon XP will be able to text to say he is outside and you can watch DS go out to the car.

Then DS will have his own phone and will be making his own arrangements with XP and you won't be involved.

Agree you should come off facebook or completely block them both. This WILL get better.