Shit parent. Shit partner. aaaarrggh

[BendyLikeBeckham]

NC'd again for relationship stuff. I just need to vent.

STBXH is such a massive arse. He "forgot" to collect DC for contact today. Just prioritised his own things instead. And he is moving house to where he can't do daily after school pickup, so will only see them once a week. I'm left to pick up the pieces, change my hours to do pickup or pay someone but that won't work.

He thinks he is childminding his children to do me a favour. He pays only the maintenance that he calculates. I have no way of knowing if it's correct as he won't show me his payslips. He tells me he entered 1 to 2 nights overnight care into the CSA calculator. He has them once a week overnight, but misses some weeks and never makes it up. So that is less than 1 night a week over a year. He is therefore underpaying. And he refuses to pay anything for teen DC who had just left school. He claims the CB to help him pay child maintenance to me for the younger DC. He still accuses me of spending it on holidays, frivolous crap, whatever. I pay everything for our DC: childcare costs, clubs, clothes, food, and provide a home, pay bills etc.

I just despair. He is a total fuckwit shit. I am fuming about today. And him in general.

I can't even raise this with him as he turns nasty on me and then I stress about the safety of the DC in his care. I worry he will take it out on them to hurt me. We are apart because he is abusive (in every way).

I am off to Wiki Divorce. This has to end.

Just get it all done through CSA

Agree. They’ll work find out his salary and how much he should really be paying.

Start there.

Sorry he’s so shit. They’re lucky they have you

CMS for it all and have the Child Benefit paid directly to you too.

If the CSA collect it, don't they deduct fees first so I'd get less?

I earn too much gross to receive CB. So I sacrificed my NI stamps so he could claim it and put it towards the maintenance for DC, to help him out. He earns less than the threshold. He also runs up debts living outside his means, buys expensive stuff for himself, so I constantly worry he won't pay each month, and I ALWAYS have to ask/remind him. It is a power thing for him.

The fees come from him not out of your amount.

Sounds like a twat OP but are you allowed to do that with child benefit? I thought it had to go to the resident parent??

Yes you can, so long as you are responsible for paying towards a child's upkeep they don't have to live with you to claim CB. This is what CB told me. i used to claim and then repay it to get the NI stamps, then I surrendered the claim so that he could claim it when we separated.

Re fees: paying parents will pay a 20% fee on top of their regular child maintenance payment
receiving parents will have a 4% fee deducted from their regular child maintenance payment

May encourage him to pay what's due?

I earn too much gross to receive CB. So I sacrificed my NI stamps so he could claim it
That’s nonsense - if you earn too much to claim CB then you are paying NI and are contributing towards state pension years etc without having to claim CB in order to qualify for your “stamp”

I think I also get stamps with the claim. Even if I'm not receiving the money (or receiving it and repaying it every year). It also helps prove the childs address for school admissions. not that it is proof anyway.

I'm going to file for divorce. he has to disclose pasylips and bank statements then. but this thread is not about money, it's about how he is incapable of meeting his responsibilities as a parent. Whether it is caring or paying for his children.

How can a parent NOT put their DCs needs first? He never has. It just beggars belief how selfish that is. I'm so fed up. I'd rather never see or hear from him again. But we have DC together so he will always be in my life. And they deserve a good dad. Except he isnt and i cant make him.