What to do when your unfulfilled in life

[Myheartbelongsto]

The older I'm getting the more I feel like I've wasted my life.

I feel so restless lately, like I want to walk out of my life.

Isn’t this what the mid life crisis is? Try to channel it into something that isn’t destructive to the good things in your life. Maybe a once in a lifetime holiday, help others, find a sport you love etc etc

It's not a mid life crisis at all.

Just wish I had done something when much younger and now it's too late.

I feel the same. Am nearly 48 and so far all I've done is worked for 10 years pre DC, then had DC and been SAHM for 15 years (not through choice). I want to go back to work but understandably nobody wants to employ a nearly 50 year old with no recent experience.

What makes you feel the way you do OP? Why do you feel you've wasted your life?

Could you do some voluntary work to get you up to speed? Don't write yourself off!

I'll probably feel different tomorrow but right now I feel so trapped by life.

Can you give any more detail? What/who is making you feel trapped?

Is it something specific you wish you had done when you were younger?

@Myheartbelongsto

Well how have you impacted on those around you OP? Would people say you're a good friend? Neighbour, work colleague? Parent?

What things are you proud of?

If you could restart your life tomorrow, what would you do?

This helps me:

m.huffpost.com/us/entry/8644102

Bibbidee, those are good questions. Yes I'm a good friend, a very good friend actually. I'm a nice neighbour, nice mum but I still would have been those things I suppose. I just feel like I'm living someone else's life.

I wish I had followed my dreams when younger and not an abusive bastard that robbed me of 15 years of my life.

I sound ridiculous I know!

If I could restart my life I would do everything different.

My mother ran off with my best friends father when I was 14 and my life was not my own then until I was 20 but by then my dream was dead.

You can only move forward. This is the ideal time. Set manageable new year resolutions following the SMART goals rule:
Specific
Measurable
Achieavable
Realistic
Time Bound.

Such as, by the end of February I will have found out if any small local charities need a trustee..

I am a charity trustee, (for housing) and it requires one meeting per month, so not too taxing. Also, as I work in the private sector, and always have, exposure to charities is out of my comfort zone.

I totally understand what you are saying. I have so many massive regrets which I won't go into, but one lead to another so I can now see exactly how I got to where I am now. But regrets don't really help you move on they just make you sad. Your life experiences good or bad make you who you are now. I find living one day at time helps. I try to do something everyday that makes ME happy. I also have a plan on how to take some control back in my life, and rebuild some self esteem. You need to find some peace with yourself and start from now. Choose one thing you would like to achieve or change, make a plan, find some inner strength to say fuck the past its not going to define me. You can do this, you really can.

Aforest its an awful feeling isn't it. I think I'm just pissed off that the chance was taken from me. I suppose it wasn't really as I was young enough to start again at 20.

I need to give myself a massive kick up the arse.

How many people look back and think "my life has been absolutely perfect"

Not many.

Most people mistakes. Some people move on from them.

My dreams were taken from me too, by an abusive partner 20 years ago. That experience shaped me, took my confidence and made me make some pretty rubbish decisions due to low self esteem and feeling worthless. I am now waking up, finding a new dream and if it goes wrong at least I have tried. All I know is that if I died tomorrow, I would be really pissed off that I hadn't tried to turn things around. Consider your arse kicked, and take the first step. Small changes first and see where they lead you

My dreams were taken from me too by an abusive childhood. I've spent so much of my life simply trying to recover and heal from the damage it caused and just trying to survive rather than thriving.

It's so sad that others are also feeling like this. There's good advice on this thread, I hope it inspires you OP.

Dimsum, I hear you. I had abuse in my childhood also though my mother would disagree. Sometimes when I think of what I have been through I can't believe I'm still here. When I left home it was all about survival, working and just making everyday normal and then I met my ex husband and was launched into 15 years of shit.

I honestly feel like I'm someone else if that makes sense.

I lived in London and I had a world of opportunity there. I have picked up my dream again but nothing like it was when I was younger and had my life ahead of me. Now, I'm just stick in groundhog day.

I have lots of things in my life to be grateful for but if I could go back I wouldn't be where I am today. I feel like the decisions I made for myself were just reactions to my life at the time.

God, I sound like a child.

Dust yourself down, stop wallowing in your pity party for one & go make a difference

Thanks for the kick up the arse I need naze

There is always hope. Chin up, walk tall as you can, and every day - do one small thing for you.
Identify these things. Small things. Do them.
And go from there x

How old are you?

I'm 39 going on five

I doubt very much that you have wasted anything. You do not sound like a child. We all know people who seem to have effortlessly active lives but their real feelings and motivations may be hidden.

Maybe some sort of therapy to deal with past issues, then look ahead. The Do-it website has volunteering opportunities. Perhaps there is something to fit in with family responsibilities. Would you like to go back to studying? A friend's daughter is about to embark on a course for which she will study at home and combine with some weekends at a study centre (not OU - but that's another possibility).

Or, small steps. Start a book group - the person who chooses the book hosts - tea, coffee and biscuits suffice for "hospitality". Join a walking group or go online and look at "Meet-up" or some such. Join Am dram.

Make a list of all your dreams, whatever they are, big or small. A pattern might emerge. You say you have picked up one dream again - how is that going?

The 'abusive bastard' stole 15 years of your life. So don't let him steal any more. Make some good memories - you won't get rid of the bad ones but they can become less pervasive.

If you would like to "write" but feel blocked in some way, try Jane Cooper's 365 Ways to Get You Writing. Or, try TED talks for stimulation on a variety of subjects.

After reading your post it made me think if I feel unfulfilled? I realised then that I don’t. I am older than you too. I still have so many things that I want to do and experience and 39 is no age. Perhaps your life is unfulfilling at the moment but that can change. The doors are all open you just have to walk through them. I have done a lot of the flashier things in life you know the traveling doing cool sports desirable jobs the types things that would get lots of “likes” on social media but you know what they didn’t fulfill me. They actually left me feeling pretty empty and a bit blah. Didn’t feed my soul so as to speak. I think as humans we really neglect our spiritual need. I think we all have one. Only when I fed that did I start feeling connected to something with meaning, felt part of a bigger picture. Love is the biggest most important request. There is so much truth in “there is more happiness in giving than receiving”. Start small and look for ways you can show kindness / love however small he act you will feel good about it.