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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Break Up

4 replies

SarahJKimbo · 29/12/2017 17:40

I recently got back together with my partner of 4 years. He ended things because he thought our lives were going in different directions - once we talked about things that was not the case and we wanted to reconcile. However during the time we were apart he was with someone else. Someone from work who he was friends with. He was very drunk and regretted it instantly. He went off the grid for two days after as he felt so awful and it is actually how I found out because I spoke with him on the phone as his mum couldn't get hold of him and he sounded guilty. I wanted to draw a line under the sand, we weren't together it was none of my business. But I decided it was best I know so we can start our new relationship with no secrets. I thought I would be ok but I am really struggling to deal with it (I think more because of who it was) has anyone else got past something like this?

OP posts:
Ellisandra · 29/12/2017 17:45

Listen to your instincts.
It's OK not to be happy about this, even if he was single.

Personally I wouldn't be bothered if my ex had an opportunistic shag.

I would be bothered if he made bad drunk decisions, disappeared for days worrying his mother to the extent that I was dragged into it... oh, and I'd be bothered that he'd dumped me instead of talking to me after 4 years.

Sorry - he doesn't sound like a catch, whoever he's shagged.

SarahJKimbo · 29/12/2017 18:50

The break up was awful he didn't want to do it. He disappeared because he felt so bad. He does make awful drunk decisions though :-(

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 29/12/2017 18:55

'The break up was awful he didn't want to do it. He disappeared because he felt so bad. He does make awful drunk decisions though :-('

Well, he did it, he broke up with you. Instead of talking about what was wrong in the relationship like an adult. Now that you have, he wants to get back with you. An adult who knows he/she makes 'awful drunk decisions' should avoid getting drunk. This bothers you and it should because he doesn't behave like a grown up when drunk or even after. I mean, disappearing for days because he felt bad? What is he, 12? I'd also be worried about STIs or this gal announcing she's pregnant. He sounds very immature.

Ellisandra · 29/12/2017 19:15

I don't date men who awful drunk decisions. Your call.

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