New relationship, psycho ex’s, Christmas overindulgence & misses pill

[SS1988]

Hi guys

I’ve been trying to search the web and read as much info as I can on this. But there is so much more to the story than just the missed pill.

My current bf who although I’ve known for 3+ years but only recently started dating after he broke up with the ex has just recently lost his mum has been “chasing” me for a while however last evening he puts the brakes on saying he doesn’t think he’s now ready to start a new relationship with me while he still feels so bad about the breakdown of his last relationship even though he’s been trying to get out for the last two years ( we had this same conversation several times over the last year) but the ex manipulates him and emotionally blackmails him into feeling sorry for her, claiming she can’t go on with out him, she’ll send her child to stay with his biological father as long as she’s with him she doesn’t care, the latest was that she found a lump on her breast and made him go doctors with her, she was referred for a scan but I haven’t heard anything since. So that side is a little bit messed up as you can see so I should be running as fast as I can in the other direction however I’ve always felt something for this guy and he admits he feels it too, it’s just been bad timing until now where we’ve both been single, except the ex messages him Christmas Day and they sunsequently met up yesterday, which I don’t mind, they have a lot to sort out. The bf as far as I can tell doesn’t want to get back with the ex but like I said he’s doubting himself now. Not sure if it’s the being off work, first xmas without parents, no family of his own and he’s got the sodding ex guilt tripping him. Anyway.....

Christmas Eve I missed my pill so took 2 together I’m on leostrin 20 at around 7pm, I suffer with anxiety so got a bit carried away with the drink xmas eve, was subsequently sick twice early Christmas morning and suffered with a dodgy tummy aswell later on that day. Didn’t have much memory of this and took my pill that day as normal, stayed at my bfs house that eve and we had sex twice which wouldn’t normally be an issue but it wasn’t until the next day I thought about it and I’m now trying to work out if I should be worried about being pregnant or not. The more I think about it the more I think I feel different but then that’s just me winding myself up. I’ve got a week left in my pill pack so won’t really be able to do much till the break week, so I’m just after people’s opinions and thoughts. It wouldn’t be the worse thing in the world as I am nearly 30 and the bf is 37 but he’s just a lot to deal with, it could be a blessing if I am as he’s always going on about how much me wants his own family and always made out he wanted that with me.

So any words of advice would be much appciated x

Nope.

Stop being the fallback. Step away from him and his drama, focus on yourself.
IF you are pregnant you won't know for sure for weeks yet, so cross that bridge when you get there.

In the meantime, calm down, be single, don't be drawn into his dramas.

I've already replied on your other thread but will copy here and add:

He's just not that into you. It's really simple. It won't ever get better than it is now. It will only get worse.

And as for the pill issue:

Sounds like you want to be pregnant. You knew you'd taken a risk and if you didn't want to be pregnant you could've taken the morning after pill. Could have gone to a supermarket pharmacy on Boxing Day. Did you tell your boyfriend on Christmas Day that you'd already missed a pill on 24/12 and then been sick on 25/12 so invalidated the pills you took late, so were effectively having unprotected sex? Age doesn't matter, what does matter is whether you both want to have a baby.

You'd never get symptoms this early if you are pregnant, just test around 6 Jan and see what it says. If you're worried about the alcohol, you don't need to be, any embryo is completely separate from your bloodstream til around 5 weeks.

He really isn’t bothered about you.

Cannot imagine why on earth you would want a child with this man.

Go and get the morning after pill - you shouldn't really bring a kid into this.

Thanks for the advice, it’s always good to hear other people’s opinions good or bad. I guess deep down I know all this I’m just a hopeless romantic and we have always got on so well, like no one else.

It’s not clear to me exactly when you had sex but it sounds like it was Boxing Day so you might still be in time for the morning (72 hours) after pill.

End it with this guy. You can stay friends of course but he’s made it clear he doesn’t want to date you. Have some self-respect and accept that.

I think you’ve reaffirmed my thoughts, thank you, such a shame but I guess it’s just sometimes how life goes.

Probably not pregnant. Most women need a break of 10 days for the hormones to develop sufficiently to ovulate. Although note I say most. For that reason pills missed at beginning or end weeks are far more risky.

I am presuming everything this ex has been saying has been relayed to you via your 'boyfriend '? Do you really know what the situation is between them or are you simply taking his word for it?

Unless they have children together (?) I see no reason that he would be guilted into anything. More that he indulges her in priority over you.

he admits he's stll not over her: he's doubting himself: he's not ready to be in a relationship. He's telling you the truth but you are just not lisrening.
She says jump, he says how high. What on earth do they still have to sort out, suddenly, over xmas?
He's been sniffing around you for years, of course he was going to say his relationship was shite. Hardly likely he was going to tell you it was great but he just fancied you as well!
I am very concerned you didn't sort out morning after pill once you realised you had missed and were sick. They are effective for 75 hours i believe. Get yourself to the doctor asap and see what can be done. Getting accidentally pregnant this early in a relationship with a man deeply entangled with an ex would not be advisable. He is not committing wholehearted to you, regardless of how long this 'thing' between you has been going on.

Thank you for you’re advice, I know it’s hard to make a judgment from a short snippet of info and I have only outlined the negative side of the situation, but I’m going to go with my gut and pull back as I’ve been around the block a few times to know the signals. If it’s meant to be it will be but I’m not in any rush and I certainly won’t be loosing any sleep over it. Hope you all had a lovely Christmas x

I do know of the ex in question, only met her once before a few years ago. I’ve seen all the messages that’s been coming from the ex, she’s also been messaging other women off his Instagram asking if he’s been taking them out. Her friends are obviously concerned about her and tell her to stop but she almost from what I can tell obsessed with him. Like you say I don’t want to get involved in that sort of drama and to get out while I still can is probably the best thing to do.