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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Can I pick your brain- I think DH is being unreasonable

6 replies

Fishfingersfortea1 · 29/12/2017 15:57

Please tell me what you would do in my shoes.
DH will not get out of bed. He has been having medical investigations and is probably depressed, it looked like he had a serious medical condition last year but it actually turned out to be not so serious and is now under control and the specialist has discharged him.
He gave up his job. I work full time doing something stressful. He agreed to cook and do housework but I still do 80% or just let it slide.
He will not Hoover or mop, puts wash on occasionally but that's about it.
We have a DS who is 8. Very excited when DH does something normal, rarity factor I guess. Loves his dad to bits but says he's lazy etc.
DH does all school pick up/drop offs, DS not keen if I do it.
If I divorce him he might say he's the primary carer and then I'd only get a little bit of DS, who would then pick up DHs bad habits. I could not bear that. I'd rather stay in this miserable situation to keep my son safe.
My friends reckon I should divorce him, but I can't do it to my son. Housing not an issue but he'd probably take me to the cleaners financially.
I have asked three times in the last hour for him to get up, took him food etc, but he won't move.
I feel like my frustration is going to burst out of me but I know it can't.
I just wondered if anyone else has been here, I feel like I'm going nuts.

OP posts:
Lucyccfc · 29/12/2017 16:43

Has he seen a Doctor in terms of the depression? It's worth asking for a home visit or you going to the Dr's to explain what's been happening and ask for advice.

kingjofferyworksintescos · 29/12/2017 16:47

Perhaps talk to a family law lawyer who might guide you as to how much time you would get with your son if you did divorce him , I think it would lean in your favour more than you are expecting

Ilovetolurk · 29/12/2017 16:50

Could you reduce to more family friendly hours and then take ds to school or pick up some of time? Agree with seeing family lawyer to chat through your options so you can start planning

OnTheRise · 29/12/2017 20:08

If your husband is properly depressed to the point of being unable to do anything for himself then would he really get custody?

I think it's worth you taking proper legal advice. Because if you stay with him your child is going to learn all sorts of negative behaviours, which might be a worse outcome in the long run.

Appleandcinnamon · 29/12/2017 20:10

Of your husband is depressed you need to see this as an illness. Maybe he physically cannot get up. Have you gone in and spoken to him to see why he won’t get up?

Gemini69 · 29/12/2017 22:15

Leave him... your Son will be ok Flowers

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